You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Seattle bullpen coach John Wetteland has been hospitalized with a mental issue. Friends first suspected he was unstable when he accepted a job with the Mariners.

Stephen Jackson says he’s shocked the media has labeled him as a bad guy. We’re shocked the media finally got a story right.

The New Orleans Hornets have fired head coach Byron Scott. The move has shocked many insiders since Scott was also the team’s third best player.

Javon Walker reportedly wants out of Oakland. Then again, so do half of the city’s residents.

A diehard NASCAR fan has created a shrine to the sport using 46,693 Coors and Budweiser bottle caps. It’s amazing what you can do with a single afternoon of drinking.

Michael Vick says he’s happy to be with the Eagles. Then again, Michael Vick is just happy he no longer has to worry about getting shived every time he has a shower.

Browns coach Eric Mangini has refuted claims that he overworks his team. Based on Cleveland’s record, we’re inclined to believe him.

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis appears to be on the chopping block. We had no idea they made chopping blocks that big.

Kobe Bryant is reportedly nursing a sore right groin. Something tells us the Lakers won’t be sending him to Colorado for rehab.

Eddy Curry has reportedly lost another 10 pounds. If he loses 10 more Knicks officials can finally start measuring his weight on a bathroom scale rather than the Richter scale.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

A new study has found that Cheerleading accounts for 65% of all female catastrophic injuries in high school and college. As if that weren’t bad enough, it also accounts for nearly 100% of the carpal tunnel cases among teenage boys.

O.J. Simpson is reportedly depressed and despondent. He must have finally seen his performance in The Towering Inferno.

Tommy Lasorda will have his painting put up in the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery in Washington. At 82 years old, it might be the last chance he gets to be well hung.

Notre Dame will honor its 1940s teams at Saturday's game against Michigan State. Given their current fortunes, the Irish might want to see if some of those players are still eligible to play.

Blake Griffin is currently selling $35 baseball caps with the word "Work" embossed across the front. Ironically that’s precisely what Clippers employees will be looking for if Griffin doesn’t pan out.

Greg Ostertag has expressed interest in playing professional basketball again. That rules out the Knicks.

Famed amputee runner Oscar Pistorius has been charged with assault. When asked what happened Pistorius said he was stumped.

The NHL preseason has officially begun. We promise to wake you when it’s over.

No. 1 NBA draft pick Blake Griffin has been cleared to work out with the Los Angeles Clippers. The announcement comes as a surprise to many observers who had no idea the Clippers actually practiced.

The Yankees plan to cut prices on some of their most expensive tickets in 2010. Fans will now only have to sell one kidney in order to see a game.

The Eagles have released receiver Hank Baskett. It was an especially difficult decision for the team since it also meant parting ways with Kendra Wilkinson.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The San Antonio Spurs beat the Wizards to wrap up a 19-day road trip. Many of the players have been away from home for so long they can’t even remember what their illegitimate children look like.

Brewers slugger Ryan Bruan has launched his very own clothing line. In related news, Prince Fielder has launched his very own line of tarps.

Jason Giambi says he’s impressed with the candor of his former teammate Alex Rodriguez. We’re impressed that Giambi even knows what candor means.

A surgeon has admitted that Amar’e Stoudemire’s damaged eye may still need some more work. Luckily, it’s nothing compared to the work his defense still needs.

ESPN plans to use 26 cameras for its broadcast of the Bassmaster Classic. For those of you keeping track, that’s one camera for every viewer at home.

Charlie Weis has announced he will once again handle Notre Dame’s offensive-coordinator duties. That makes sense since his play-calling has been incredibly offensive over the past three years.

Longtime Jazz owner Larry H. Miller has died at the age of 64. Given the fact he lives in Utah we’re guessing the cause of death was boredom.

Doctors have advised Northeastern tight end Brian Mandeville to retire. It’s hard to say what concerns them more: the fact that his heart ailment could result in instantaneous death, or the fact that he could get drafted by the Lions.

Alex Rodriguez has hired the same lawyer who represented Sammy Sosa before congress. It could be worse: he could have hired the same dialect coach.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told reporters that drugs have no place in sports. Luckily for him, they still have a prominent place in politics.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The University at Buffalo’s top basketball player has been suspended indefinitely by the school for posting an ad on the Internet offering to pay someone to write a course paper. Come on, he’s an athlete; shouldn’t people be writing his papers for free?

Notre Dame is considering shedding its independent status and joining the Big Ten. It would be a huge move for the school given that the only organization they looked fit to join last year was Pop Warner.

Alex Rodriguez is going on the 15-day disabled list with a strained right quadriceps. If you think that sounds bad you should hear his new nickname: A-Quad. The injury has been classified as a Grade 2 strain, which automatically makes his quad better educated than half of his teammates.

Scranton Penguins captain Neal Smith was caught running naked through town. The veteran player has since been charged with public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open lewdness and high sticking.

Nearly 500 men age 40 and older lined up for a free prostate cancer screening Tuesday at a mobile clinic at Milwaukee’s Miller Park. It just goes to show you that being a Brewers fan can be a major pain in the butt.

Barack Obama scrimmaged with the University of North Carolina basketball team earlier this week. Players had no problem guarding the Democratic senator since he always went to his left.

President George Bush honored the New York Giants recently during a ceremony at the White House. By all accounts it was a joyous gathering of 50 guys who wear helmets and one who probably should.

Barry Zito has been demoted to the bullpen by the San Francisco Giants. The team knew he was in trouble when his ERA started getting larger than Barry Bonds’ hat size.

Byron Scott has been named the NBA’s coach of the year, or as Mike D’Antoni and Avery Johnson call it, The Most Likely to Be Canned in Two Seasons Award.

A seven-foot-tall bronze statue of Oscar De La Hoya will join similar tributes to Los Angeles sports stars Magic Johnson and Wayne Gretzky at Staples Center. De La Hoya’s statue will be especially easy to identify since it will be the only one dressed in women’s lingerie.

Ask Ryan - Fit As A Fiddle

Welcome back for another edition of Ask Ryan, the column where sports and entertainment go together like Tom Brady and swooning women. This week's mailbag is bursting at the seams with queries about the history of the rally cap, which sport has the world's most physically fit athletes and the identity of Verizon's omnipresent "Test Man." Read all about it at: http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/7449884

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and enjoy my latest rim-rocking collection of sports shorts.

Portland has announced that Greg Oden will miss his entire rookie season after undergoing knee surgery. The Blazers haven’t had a joint problem this serious since Damon Stoudemire left town.

An imposter masquerading as a priest snuck into Notre Dame's home opener this season without a credential. Nothing new there. Notre Dame’s roster has been littered with imposters all season long.

A change of plea hearing is scheduled later this month in the drug case of former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson. I’m not a legal expert but I’d personally suggest a plea of insanity.

Phoenix beat Detroit 108-92 to capture their first WNBA championship in franchise history. The news came as a shock to many insiders who didn’t realize the WNBA still existed.

O.J. Simpson has been accused of directing several other men in an armed at a Las Vegas hotel. So much for whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Deion Sanders and his wife Pilar are taping a reality show on the Oxygen network entitled Prime Time Love. It should be interesting to see how they interact given the way Deion has always shied away from contact.

Motown legend Stevie Wonder, R. Kelly and White Sox outfielder Jermaine Dye were spotted together at a posh restaurant in Chicago. The news came as a surprise to Wonder who assumed that he was simply dining alone.

Kasey Kahne is on the verge of signing a lucrative new sponsorship deal with Budweiser. The two sides are still haggling over a clause that requires Kahne to chug 12 Bud Lites before the beginning of each race.