Monday, February 1, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

John Daly has announced that he’s decided to stop drinking beer. In related news, Anheuser-Busch plans to lay off 10,000 employees later today.

Kenny Lofton has been named to the Cleveland Indians Hall of Fame. Or, as we like to call it, the loneliest place on Earth.

The Pittsburgh Pirates plan to put a statue of Bill Mazeroski outside PNC Park. It will go right next to the statue of Ian Snell, the last Pirates pitcher to post an ERA below 6.00.

Michael Phelps was spotted giving an attractive woman a shoulder rub at a poker tournament. It’s nice to hear someone is picking up Tiger Woods’ slack.

Several teams are reportedly interested in J.J. Redick. Unfortunately for him they all play in the ACC.

Mike D'Antoni has revealed that the Knicks are looking to make a major trade. And if D’Antoni has his way, he’ll be the first one to go.

Dr. J has put his Utah mansion on the market for $2.25 million. The 6,572-square foot villa has five bedrooms, five bathrooms and doorframes high enough to accommodate even the largest of afros.

Randy Winn has signed a $2 million deal with the Yankees. It might just be the cheapest win New York gets all year long.

Prince Fielder says he hopes to spend the rest of his career in Milwaukee. After all, it’s the only city in the U.S. where he’s actually considered svelte.

Rex Ryan has apologized for making an obscene gesture at a mixed martial arts fight. God knows, you wouldn’t want to debase a classy event like that.