Thursday, April 8, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Pirates won their Opening Day matchup against the Dodgers. It’s expected to be their longest winning streak of the season.

UCONN celebrated long into the night after winning their second straight championship. We haven’t seen a group of lesbians that happy since Melissa Ethridge announced her last tour.

Martina Navratilova has been diagnosed with breast cancer. The news comes as a shock to many observers who didn’t realize that Martina Navratilova was actually a woman.

Kenyon Martin’s teammates recently filled his car with several pounds of buttered popcorn. In related news, Kenyon Martin’s teammates have been missing since Sunday.

Brett Favre has become a grandfather. Just like the Vikings, someone else did all the work but he’s taking all the credit.

Blues forward Keith Tkachuk will retire after the season. The 38-year-old will finish his career with 538 goals, 525 assists and a zero recognition factor outside of St. Louis.

Five Kentucky players have declared for the NBA Draft. It’s a tremendous gamble considering many of them will now have to take a pay cut.

The Charlotte Bobcats have locked up their first playoff berth in franchise history. Both of the team’s fans are thrilled.

Tim Lincecum says he still wears the same hat that he made his Major League debut in. It could be worse: he could still be wearing the same cup that he made his Little League debut in.