In The Spotlight

Brett Favre continues to make history. This 41-year-old gunslinger recently became the first NFL player to throw 500 touchdowns and reach the 70,000 yard plateau in a dramatic showdown against the New York Jets. Sadly, his remarkable achievements have recently been overshadowed by allegations that he sent lewd text messages and photographs to a Jets employee during his brief tenure with the club. If found culpable, Favre could be suspended for the remainder of the season, thereby bringing a swift end to his otherwise illustrious 20-year career and his starting streak. Learn more about this predicament by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Pirates won their Opening Day matchup against the Dodgers. It’s expected to be their longest winning streak of the season.

UCONN celebrated long into the night after winning their second straight championship. We haven’t seen a group of lesbians that happy since Melissa Ethridge announced her last tour.

Martina Navratilova has been diagnosed with breast cancer. The news comes as a shock to many observers who didn’t realize that Martina Navratilova was actually a woman.

Kenyon Martin’s teammates recently filled his car with several pounds of buttered popcorn. In related news, Kenyon Martin’s teammates have been missing since Sunday.

Brett Favre has become a grandfather. Just like the Vikings, someone else did all the work but he’s taking all the credit.

Blues forward Keith Tkachuk will retire after the season. The 38-year-old will finish his career with 538 goals, 525 assists and a zero recognition factor outside of St. Louis.

Five Kentucky players have declared for the NBA Draft. It’s a tremendous gamble considering many of them will now have to take a pay cut.

The Charlotte Bobcats have locked up their first playoff berth in franchise history. Both of the team’s fans are thrilled.

Tim Lincecum says he still wears the same hat that he made his Major League debut in. It could be worse: he could still be wearing the same cup that he made his Little League debut in.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tiger Woods is reportedly making great strides at a sex rehab facility in Mississippi. In fact, doctors already have reduced him to just nine holes a day.

The Saints beat the Vikings 31-28 in overtime. The game had almost as many twists and turns as a Brett Favre retirement announcement.

NASCAR is relaxing its rules to allow drivers to initiate more contact and reach higher speeds. In other words, they’ll now be allowed to drive just like Lindsay Lohan.

Mets are interested in Chien-Ming Wang. The veteran hurler has everything they look for in a pitcher: superb velocity, excellent command and an uncanny knack for getting injured every three days.

Clay Bennett has agreed to pay former SuperSonics season-ticket holders $1.6 million for removing the team from Seattle. In related news, Bruce Ratner has agreed to pay Nets season-ticket holders $17 million for KEEPING the team in New Jersey.

Glen Davis has been fined $25,000 for swearing at a fan who called him fat. Sadly, Davis was going to use that money to buy breakfast.

Allen Iverson has been named a starter in the NBA All-Star game. It’s an impressive feat considering he’s barely a starter on his own team.

Ron Artest has plantar fasciitis. It could be worse: he could have to spell it.

Major League Baseball has agreed to move a three-game series between the Mets and Marlins to San Juan. Sadly, both teams will be allowed to return once the series is over.

A sports promoter in Georgia is starting a basketball league exclusively for white players. Adam Morrison is thrilled.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Bud Selig plans to step down as commissioner of Major League Baseball in 2012. Asked where he sees himself in four years, the commissioner replied; “Anywhere but watching the Kansas City Royals.”

Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer has been hospitalized due to recurring symptoms from groin surgery. Doctors are worried he may only live for another 175 years.

New Jersey is now 0-17 after losing to Denver. The Nets are so bad they’ve replaced their official logo with a white flag.

Patrick Ewing has said that he would love to coach the New Jersey Nets. Ewing also went onto say that he would love to have a spinal tap and undergo a root canal.

Brady Quinn is reportedly dating US gymnast Alicia Sacramone. They’re perfectly matched since neither one of them has won anything since 2008.

The NBA has banned a former scout from the Sacramento Kings from betting on his team. You’d think losing 65 bets a year would have been punishment enough.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are off to their worst start in franchise history. Now might be a good time to find out if Brett Favre can also play basketball.

Several NFL players have been asked to pose nude for a PETA ad with the tag line, "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur." Perhaps they’d have more luck if they changed the slogan to “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear A Browns Jersey.”

Clippers head coach Mike Dunleavy has won his 600th game. And all it took was 600 years.

Australia has banned Steeplechase following the deaths of 20 horses over the past two years. The decision is considered bad news for sports enthusiasts and even worse news for Australia’s glue industry.

The Supreme Court of Nova Scotia has banned golfers from using the running swing popularized in Happy Gilmore. Sadly, the court can’t do a thing to prevent Adam Sandler from making more movies.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tony Gonzalez has become the 21st player in NFL history with 11,000 yards receiving. In all fairness, 10,000 of those yards came against the Lions.

Donovan McNabb has a broken rib. And here’s the real surprise; Michael Vick wasn’t the one who broke it.

The Minnesota Vikings have named Brett Favre a team captain. That’s certainly a lot nicer than what the Green Bay packers have named him.

Ben Roethlisberger’s accuser is demanding a list of every single woman he has ever had sex with. Given his spotty history, Roethlisberger might just want to provide her with the Pittsburgh phonebook.

Allen Iverson has said that his decision to join the Memphis Grizzlies was based upon a message from God. Luckily for him, God didn’t say anything about having to share the ball with Zach Randolph.

The New Jersey Nets recently unveiled a revamped design for their new arena in Brooklyn. The state of the art facility will have glass walls, a public plaza and ample seating for all seven of the team’s fans.

The IAAF has confirmed that South African runner Caster Semenya has male and female sex organs. On the positive side, her chances of getting a date on Saturday night have now doubled.

Kansas City starters Gil Meche and Brian Bannister are likely done for the rest of the season. The Royals did not disclose the exact nature of their injuries since nobody cared enough to ask.

Adrian Peterson was pumped full of emergency fluids following the second quarter of Minnesota’s game against Cleveland. Apparently Matt Leinart isn’t the only one who drinks during halftime.

Ryne Sandberg has expressed interest in becoming the Cubs’ next manager. Well, you have to start somewhere.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Brett Favre went 1-4 in his debut with the Vikings. He likely would have had more snaps if he hadn’t retired during the second quarter.

John Smoltz says he understands why the Red Sox gave up on him. Anyone who knows an ERA should be lower than the national deficit can understand that.

The International Athletic Federation is forcing South Africa's Caster Semenya to undergo a gender test. Semenya will be allowed to stay in the woman’s division if she can watch The View for longer than 30 seconds.

The New York Mets are expected to dump Gary Sheffield. Let’s hope they also remember to flush.

Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels appears to be taking his clothing cues from Bill Belichick. Or a hobo. One or the other.

The NFL will try to crack down on binge drinking at games during the 2009 season. No one is more upset with the news than Matt Leinart.

The bludgeoned body of a 22-year-old man was recently found on Chipper Jones' ranch. Police have already ruled out Jones as a suspect since he hasn’t been hitting anything this year.

A Florida theme park plans to name a new high speed ride in honor of Dale Earnhardt. Isn’t that a little bit like naming an airplane after Roberto Clemente?

Plaxico Burress has hired a prison consultant to get ready for life behind bars. Wouldn’t it have been a lot cheaper to have just bought soap on a rope?

Lou Piniella has expressed interest in returning to the Cubs in 2010. Well sure, misery always loves company.

Cincinnati Reds starter Aaron Harang is out for the rest of the season after having his appendix removed. Finally, an organ that’s almost as useless as the rest of the Reds’ pitching staff.

The Boston Red Sox have dropped struggling starter Brad Penny from their rotation. Luckily for him bad pennies always seem to come back.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant, Jameer Nelson, Lamar Odom, TNT, Joba Chamberlain, Brett Favre, Stephon Marbury, John Smoltz and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Fran Tarkenton has accused Brett Favre of making more stupid plays than any quarterback he’s ever seen. Tarkenton can expect thank-you cards from Ryan Leaf and Billy Joe Tolliver any day now.

The contents of a storage locker belonging to three-time WNBA MVP Sheryl Swoopes were just auctioned off, unbeknownst to her. It’s still unclear whether or not Swoopes is entitled to a portion of the $5.35 the auction generated.

Tom Hicks is willing to give up control of the Texas Rangers. That seems fitting since his pitchers gave up their control long ago.

Cleveland owner Larry Dolan has been hospitalized following a mild heart attack. It was only a matter of time before he realized he owned the Indians.

Suspended outfielder Manny Ramirez will be sent to the minor leagues for 10 days as part of a rehab assignment. There’s nothing like riding a bus from Stockton to Rancho Cucamonga to make you reconsider your life decisions.

Tom Brady has dispelled rumors by announcing that his wife Gisele Bundchen, is not pregnant. We hope for his sake it isn’t because of a lack of trying.

Takeru Kobayashi outlasted Joey Chestnut in a pizza-eating contest by consuming 5 3/4 P'zones in a six-minute span. On the positive side, Chestnut did win the subsequent heartburn and diarrhea competitions.

Patrick Roy has turned down an opportunity to coach the Colorado Avalanche in order to remain with the Quebec Remparts of the QMJHL. Evidentially Roy took a few more pucks to the head than most fans realize.

The New York Yankees were kicked out of the Ritz Carlton in Cleveland because a Saudi Arabian princess booked the entire hotel. We’re not sure what more surprising: the fact that one person would need so many rooms or that a princess would willingly spend time in Cleveland.

Cardinals catcher Jason LaRue was nearly trampled after taking the field in the middle of Miller Park's infamous Wiener Race. We always suspected too many hot dogs could be dangerous to your health.

LeBron James has said he’s happy in Cleveland. Only someone who’s spent three-quarters of their life in Akron could possibly say that.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain, Kobe Bryant, Barack Obama, Oscar De la Hoya, Brett Favre, Carl Crawford, the MLB Network and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Question of the Week

Kevin, Collinsville, IL
Subj: What’s in a name?
There’s something that’s always perplexed me: why are quarterbacks called quarterbacks?

The term harkens back to the sport’s early days and relates to the distance that the team’s signal caller stood behind his offensive line. According to the rigid structure of the time, the offensive line represented one extreme and the fullback represented the other, therefore the player playing half way between the two was the halfback and the player between the offensive line and the halfback was, quite literally, the quarterback. Who knew that football involved so much math?

Simply The Best

I recently had the honor of contributing a handful of athlete profiles for AskMen.com's third annual compendium of The Top 49 Most Influential Men in the World. Click here to learn more about international superstars like Rafael Nadal, Usain Bolt, Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez and LeBron James.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Spain's Carlos Sastre won the Tour de France on Sunday. Maybe now he can finally afford a car.

A fan was injured after plunging 25 feet from the handrails of an escalator at Shea Stadium during a game between Washington and New York. Unlike the Nationals, the man is expected to survive.

Tampa Bay Rays minor league pitcher Matthew Walker has been suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball after testing positive for an amphetamine. In his defense, you almost need to be on speed to stay awake for an entire minor league game.

Hawks star Josh Childress has signed a three year deal with Greek club Olympiakos. The 6-8 forward is expected to earn $20 million, which doesn’t even include the hundreds of dollars in heated pennies that will be flung at him every time he misses a shot.

NFL draft pick Caleb Campbell will not get a chance to play for the Detroit Lions because of a change in military policy. In the end, the US Army felt he would be far safer in Iraq than in a war zone like Detroit.

Alyssa Milano says she’s done dating baseball players. In related news, half of the Dodgers are now planning to switch to basketball.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Warrick Dunn is working on his first book. Reading it, not writing it.

The Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders are the first girls to produce their annual calendar on eco-friendly, recycled paper. That should go a long way in offsetting the 37 cans of aerosol hairspray they use before each home game.

50-year-old Hall of Famer Nancy Lieberman recorded two assists for the Detroit Shock in a loss to the Houston Comets. We’re confused. We thought the WNBA’s slogan was “Expect Great,” not “Expect Great Grandmothers.”

New reports suggest that former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is likely to face hard time. Then again, he’s watched the Knicks play dozens of times, so how hard could it really be?

Pacers point guard Jamaal Tinsley has reportedly lost 20 pounds during the off season. That’s one benefit of always running away from the law.

A group of Eagles fans recently paid tribute to Brett Favre by burning the Packers' legend in effigy. Fittingly, even the effigy is now threatening a comeback.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have announced plans to add an "all-you-can-eat" section for the 2008 season. It’s uncertain whether the decision was made to appease fans or to attract free agent pitcher David Wells.

LeBron James became the youngest player in NBA history to reach 10,000. Incidentally, that’s 10,000 points, not 10,000 women.

Roger Clemens could be facing jail time following allegations that he lied under oath. Luckily the former Cy Young winner has always looked good in pinstripes.

The Knicks have had preliminary discussions with Kiki Vandeweghe about replacing Isiah Thomas in the front office. No word yet on who will pick up the slack when it comes to harassing the franchise’s female employees.

Minnesota forward Antoine Walker missed a recent trip to Toronto because of a problem with his passport. It’s too bad there wasn’t a basketball hoop nearby or he could have proven his identity by missing 15 3-pointers in a row.

Stephon Marbury has been instructed by Isiah Thomas not to attend Knicks home games. Ironically, most of the team’s season ticket holders would love to receive the same order.

The Green Bay Packers are in hot water after erroneously reporting that Brett Favre was set to retire. The false report was so shocking it caused John Madden’s heart to stop for three full minutes.

Calvin Klein has offered Tom Brady a deal to appear in a high profile underwear campaign. It’s a natural fit for a man who was last seen getting undressed by the Giants’ defense.

Cornerback Randall Gay has agreed to a four-year contract with the New Orleans Saints. The deal was initially opposed by the Catholic Church who were uncomfortable with the words gay and saints appearing within the same sentence.

China dominated the World Team Table Tennis Championships in a tournament seen as a preview of this summer's Beijing Olympics. Sadly, none of the team members will be allowed to celebrate their victory at Disneyworld since they’re too short to go on the rides.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Brett Favre admitted to being woozy, confused and disoriented after taking an elbow to the head in Green Bay’s 34-0 victory against Minnesota. Now he knows how Terry Bradshaw feels every day of his life.

A local real estate magnate remains poised to buy the Minnesota Timberwolves if they become available. He must really love amateur athletics.

The NFL plans to keep about 70% of U.S. households from being able to see the New England Patriot’s final match by restricting the broadcast to its own cable channel. Luckily for fans, Bill Belichick will be taping the game.

The Philadelphia Phillies acquired closer Brad Lidge and infielder Eric Bruntlett from the Astros for three players. The deal was completed so quickly that Scott Boras didn’t even have the chance to interrupt it with an announcement about Alex Rodriguez.

Dallas center Mike Modano broke Phil Housley's NHL record for career points by an American-born player. Sadly, being the best American hockey player is almost as worthless as having the best tan in a leper colony.

A new study has shown that NCAA football games are 3:21 longer than they were a year before. Notre Dame has offered to speed things up by simply punting on the first down.

A new study has shown that having an enlarged heart is the biggest cause of sudden death among young athletes. Luckily that shouldn’t affect anyone on the Miami Dolphins since they’ve repeatedly shown that they have no heart at all.

Baseball general managers have decided that first- and third-base coaches will wear some sort of head protection during games next season. Where was this rule when Don Zimmer really needed it?

Sam Hornish Jr. has announced he’ll be moving to NASCAR in 2008. The three-time Indy Car Series champ is expected to spend the next two months living in a trailer and dating his sister so he’ll truly be prepared for the experience.