You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The NBA could be headed towards a lockout in 2011. Luckily many of their players have a history of breaking and entering so that shouldn’t be much of an impediment.

The New York Yankees have received an additional $259 million in public funding. The team is expected to use the money on half an outfielder.

Jose Canseco and Danny Bonaduce fought to a draw in their highly-hyped three-round boxing match. The result was a disappointment to many viewers who had hoped they’d fight to the death.

Bucks guard Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL and MCL. In other words, Milwaukee is now SOL.

Atlanta Hawks guard Acie Law has bet a friend $10,000 that the Dallas Cowboys will win next year’s Super Bowl. Luckily Law plays for the Hawks so he’s used to losing.

The Memphis Grizzlies have fired head coach Marc Iavaroni after guiding the team to an 11-30 record. Anyone interested in replacing him is advised to show up at the arena an hour before game time.

The Tribune has agreed to sell the Chicago Cubs to billionaire Tom Ricketts. It’s a natural fit, since the team’s roster is already extremely rickety.

A Greek basketball team is looking to take on one of several NBA players including Stephon Marbury, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Williams or Steve Francis. I’m sorry, did I say Greek basketball team? I meant Greek charity.

Ekaterina Rubleva accidentally exposed her nipple in front of thousands of fans during the European Figure Skating Championships in Helsinki. Luckily for Rubleva, only three of those fans were actually straight.

Baron Davis, Ricky Davis and Chris Kaman have allegedly been faking injuries for the past two weeks. That seems fitting since the Clippers have been faking being an NBA team for the last two decades.

Veteran pitcher Brandon Lyon has agreed to a $4.25 million, one-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. The team is expected to bring him out of the bullpen, because as we all know, a Detroit Lyon hasn’t won anything in years.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Golden State Warriors have acquired free agent Corey Maggette, signing away the Los Angeles Clippers' scoring leader. Of course, being the top scorer on the Clippers is a little bit like being the smartest woman on The View.

Former NFL special teams star Vai Sikahema knocked out Jose Canseco in their celebrity boxing match. We’d say he knocked him senseless, but we’re pretty sure that’s how he entered the ring.

The NHL is hoping to stage an open-air hockey game at the new Yankee Stadium. The highly anticipated event may even feature A-Rod, since he’s become a master at skating on thin ice.

Imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick has filed for bankruptcy protection while serving time for federal dogfighting charges. Ironically, his lack of funds means that he’ll now have to take the Greyhound everywhere he goes.

Kansas City tight end Tony Gonzalez recently saved a California man from choking. Now, if only he could do the same thing with the Chiefs.

Former NFL player Brian Bosworth recently rescued a Calgary woman from an auto accident. It seems only fitting that Boz was present since his entire career was a car wreck.

A professional soccer referee had to be helped off the field after showing up to work drunk. We had no idea that John Daly had gotten a summer job.

Cleveland lost their tenth game in a row after falling to Detroit. The Indians are doing so poorly this season they’re considering getting out of baseball altogether and opening a casino.

Imprisoned quarterback Michael Vick is currently busy writing his life story. In fact he’s already on chapter 11.

West Point grad Caleb Campbell is hoping to make the transition from the U.S. Army to the Detroit Lions this season. It should be a natural fit since neither organization has had a major victory in years.

The demolition of Tiger Stadium's walls and seating areas has begun. Construction workers were happy to report that the stadium fell apart almost as quickly as Detroit’s starting rotation.

New England Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has pleaded no contest to drug charges after being caught with marijuana at a Li'l Wayne concert. It’s hard to say what’s more embarrassing: getting busted by the police or having the world know you’re a fan of Li’L Wayne.

The Yankees are reportedly interested in signing recently waived slugger Richie Sexson. Great, that’s just what they need, more players with Sexon the brain.