Monday, January 26, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The NBA could be headed towards a lockout in 2011. Luckily many of their players have a history of breaking and entering so that shouldn’t be much of an impediment.

The New York Yankees have received an additional $259 million in public funding. The team is expected to use the money on half an outfielder.

Jose Canseco and Danny Bonaduce fought to a draw in their highly-hyped three-round boxing match. The result was a disappointment to many viewers who had hoped they’d fight to the death.

Bucks guard Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL and MCL. In other words, Milwaukee is now SOL.

Atlanta Hawks guard Acie Law has bet a friend $10,000 that the Dallas Cowboys will win next year’s Super Bowl. Luckily Law plays for the Hawks so he’s used to losing.

The Memphis Grizzlies have fired head coach Marc Iavaroni after guiding the team to an 11-30 record. Anyone interested in replacing him is advised to show up at the arena an hour before game time.

The Tribune has agreed to sell the Chicago Cubs to billionaire Tom Ricketts. It’s a natural fit, since the team’s roster is already extremely rickety.

A Greek basketball team is looking to take on one of several NBA players including Stephon Marbury, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Williams or Steve Francis. I’m sorry, did I say Greek basketball team? I meant Greek charity.

Ekaterina Rubleva accidentally exposed her nipple in front of thousands of fans during the European Figure Skating Championships in Helsinki. Luckily for Rubleva, only three of those fans were actually straight.

Baron Davis, Ricky Davis and Chris Kaman have allegedly been faking injuries for the past two weeks. That seems fitting since the Clippers have been faking being an NBA team for the last two decades.

Veteran pitcher Brandon Lyon has agreed to a $4.25 million, one-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. The team is expected to bring him out of the bullpen, because as we all know, a Detroit Lyon hasn’t won anything in years.