You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The NBA could be headed towards a lockout in 2011. Luckily many of their players have a history of breaking and entering so that shouldn’t be much of an impediment.

The New York Yankees have received an additional $259 million in public funding. The team is expected to use the money on half an outfielder.

Jose Canseco and Danny Bonaduce fought to a draw in their highly-hyped three-round boxing match. The result was a disappointment to many viewers who had hoped they’d fight to the death.

Bucks guard Michael Redd will miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL and MCL. In other words, Milwaukee is now SOL.

Atlanta Hawks guard Acie Law has bet a friend $10,000 that the Dallas Cowboys will win next year’s Super Bowl. Luckily Law plays for the Hawks so he’s used to losing.

The Memphis Grizzlies have fired head coach Marc Iavaroni after guiding the team to an 11-30 record. Anyone interested in replacing him is advised to show up at the arena an hour before game time.

The Tribune has agreed to sell the Chicago Cubs to billionaire Tom Ricketts. It’s a natural fit, since the team’s roster is already extremely rickety.

A Greek basketball team is looking to take on one of several NBA players including Stephon Marbury, Jamaal Tinsley, Jason Williams or Steve Francis. I’m sorry, did I say Greek basketball team? I meant Greek charity.

Ekaterina Rubleva accidentally exposed her nipple in front of thousands of fans during the European Figure Skating Championships in Helsinki. Luckily for Rubleva, only three of those fans were actually straight.

Baron Davis, Ricky Davis and Chris Kaman have allegedly been faking injuries for the past two weeks. That seems fitting since the Clippers have been faking being an NBA team for the last two decades.

Veteran pitcher Brandon Lyon has agreed to a $4.25 million, one-year contract with the Detroit Tigers. The team is expected to bring him out of the bullpen, because as we all know, a Detroit Lyon hasn’t won anything in years.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Cleveland guard Delonte West is reportedly dealing with depression. Now he finally knows what it feels like to be a Cavs fan.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have hired Joe Kerrigan to be their new pitching coach. Kerrigan will replace Jeff Andrews, who left due to shell shock.

Sources report that Yankees star Joba Chamberlain was recently heckled at a Nebraska strip club. After all, he was blocking the view of 27 patrons.

Kobe Bryant hyper extended his right knee in a game against the Bobcats. The rest of the NBA can hardly wait to add insult to injury.

Alex Rodriguez is close to purchasing an $80 penthouse apartment in Manhattan. The 5,200 square foot pad has four bedrooms – one for A-Rod and three for his ego.

Willie Randolph is expected to be among the leading candidates for the Brewers' managerial vacancy. Randolph can barely wait for the 3:00 am phone call telling him he has the job.

Los Angeles guard Baron Davis sprained his ring finger. Luckily he isn’t expected to need it as long as he stays with the Clippers.

The NBA will expand its use of instant replay this season. In related news, the NBA will expand its use of instant replay this season.

New York Jets fans are bidding as much as $65,000 for seat licenses in the team’s new stadium. You know the economy’s out of whack when a single seat is fetching more than most of the houses in New Jersey.

Two University of Georgia football players have been arrested, bringing the total since January to 10. On the positive side, Georgia’s prison system is now just a quarterback and a left tackle away from being able to compete in the NCAA.

Patriots QB Matt Cassel threw three touchdown passes in a 41-7 win over the Broncos. The USC grad was so impressive that Gisele Bundchen was spotted giving him her phone number following the game.

Jose Canseco has agreed to fight Danny Bonaduce in a Celebrity Boxing Federation bout in January.The announcement has come as a shock to many observers who didn’t realize Jose Canseco was still a celebrity.

Taling Points - A-Rod's A-List Affair

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I'll examine A-Rod’s A-list affair, Warren Sapp’s dancing ambitions and Baron Davis’ happy homecoming. Read all about it here.