You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Las Vegas odds makers have chosen the Kansas Jayhawks as 5-2 favorites to win the NCAA Tournament… and 2-1 favorites to beat the New Jersey Nets.

Chad Ochocinco is getting his own reality show in which he'll try to find a girlfriend from a field of 85 women. The show is tentatively titled Who Wants to Marry a Douchebag?

Jake Delhomme has agreed to a two year deal with the Browns. In turn, the Browns have agreed to another two years of abject mediocrity.

The Washington Nationals are currently 0-10. Sounds like they’re already in mid-season form.

Three doctors have cleared Rodney Stuckey for exercise. Given that he plays for the Pistons it’s likely to be an exercise in futility.

Marion Jones has signed to play with the Tulsa Shock. It’s hard to say what’s more disgraceful: being stripped of five medals or playing in the WNBA.

Jose Reyes has been told to refrain from any kind of strenuous athletic activity for 8 weeks. It’s unclear whether that includes baseball.

An engineering professor has determined that headfirst slides are safer than feet first slides. Except in the case of Prince Fielder, where any kind of slide is likely to trigger an earthquake.

The Jets and Giants will flip a quarter for the right to host the first game in their new stadium. Ironically, that’s all the money they have left after building it.

Husky Jets coach Rex Ryan has undergone lap-band surgery to help him fight obesity. It was either that or staple his lips shut.

A new survey suggests the odds a man will attend a WNBA game this year are 1 in 168.2. However, the odds that he’ll do so willingly are 1 in 50 million.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The New Jersey Nets are offering free tax preparation for anyone who comes to a game. It’s an amazing deal if you don’t mind having your taxes prepared by Keyon Dooling.

Michael Jordan reportedly paid $175 million for the Bobcats. That’s just $175 more than the next highest bidder.

A record 52 players were moved at the NHL’s trade deadline. Unfortunately for them none of them were moved to other sports.

The Cubs have signed Cuban defector Juan Yasser Serrano. The 21-year-old must still pass a physical exam, although that shouldn’t be a problem for a man who swam all the way from Cuba to Miami.

The New York Knicks missed all 18 three pointers in a loss to the Nets. If there were such a thing as four pointers they probably would have missed a few of those too.

Rodney Stuckey caused a tremendous stir when he fainted during a game against the Cavs. You’d think by now Pistons fans would be used to dramatic collapses.

Georgetown's leading scorer Austin Freeman has been diagnosed with diabetes. Fortunately his long-term playing career should not be affected since, like most Hoyas, he probably won’t have one.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas is hoping to return to Cleveland. After all, it’s one of the few places in America where a guy who looks like Uncle Fester doesn’t stand out.

Nate Burleson announced on Twitter that he has joined the Detroit Lions. Burleson decided to forgo a press conference because he didn’t want everyone to see him cry.

Dodgers catcher Russell Martin is expected to miss the rest of Spring Training with a pulled groin. Something tells us he won’t miss it very much.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

108,000 fans attended the NBA All-Star Game in Dallas. It’s the largest crowd ever to be bored by a professional basketball game.

The Nets have placed Mike Krzyzewski on their wish list. Right next to a fifth win.

David Stern expects the Charlotte Bobcats to be sold in the next 60 days. In related news, a fool and his money will soon be parted.

Tyrus Thomas could be headed to Minnesota. In related news, Tyrus Thomas’s agent could be on the verge of getting fired.

The Cincinnati Bengals are interested in signing Matt Jones and Pacman Jones. It’s unclear whether they’re trying to improve their team or form a gang.

Allen Iverson has hinted he could be retiring soon. Three years after he should have.

Frank Thomas has announced he’s “done” with baseball. That’s hardly surprising since baseball has been done with him for nearly a decade.

Floyd Mayweather believes he could have played in the NBA. It’s amazing what a guy will say after getting hit in the head a few thousand times.

B.J. Upton has lost his arbitration hearing with the Rays. It’s the biggest win Tampa Bay has had since 2008.

Larry Bird says the Pacers’ rebuilding plan is right on target… for 2050.

The St. Louis Rams have officially been sold to an Illinois businessman named Shahid Khan. The team will henceforth be known the St. Louis Tax Write-offs.