Monday, March 17, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

An Oregon urology clinic is offering a special deal on vasectomies to coincide with March Madness. It’s nice to know that you can still make the cut even if your team doesn’t.

NFL Films has laid off nearly 10 percent of its workers. Luckily they should have no problem finding work with the New England Patriots.

Bud Selig is the highest paid among the league commissioners of baseball, football, basketball and hockey. In fact, his salary is so high it’s almost like it’s on steroids or something.

Tampa Bay outfielder Rocco Baldelli will begin the season on the disabled list because of a condition that leaves him feeling extremely fatigued after short workouts. Doctors are tentatively calling it John Daly Disorder.

Miami guard Dwyane Wade has started to undergo shockwave therapy on his injured left knee. The innovative treatment is rumored to be almost as painful as watching the Heat.

Canada earned a berth in the Olympic baseball tournament, defeating South Korea 4-3. The victory was particularly surprising since the Canadians were using hockey sticks.

The Cavaliers have signed 6-foot-11 center Lance Allred to a 10-day contract, making him the NBA’s first legally deaf player. Ironically, Allred is the only one who hasn’t heard the news.

Daisuke Matsuzaka’s wife has given birth to the couple’s first son. The newborn weighs 6 pounds, 10 ounces and is expected to pitch fifth in the Red Sox’s rotation.

Indiana Pacers Jamaal Tinsley and Marquis Daniels have avoided a trial on charges stemming from a 2007 bar fight. You know your team is in a rut when your only victories come in court.

Chipper Jones now has his own signature beverage called Chipper Chardonnay. It’s the perfect product for a man who’s always been a whiner.

Michael Vick's trial has been delayed yet again. Prosecutors are believed to be waiting for the dog days of summer.