Monday, March 10, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

The Atlanta Hawks won the NBA's first replay since 1983 by downing the Miami Heat in a game that lasted just 51.9 seconds. Sadly for true fans of the sport, Miami will return to playing 48 minute games later this week.

A recent poll has named the Heat's Pat Riley as the coach that players would least like to suit up for. Many observers assumed Isiah Thomas would win the honor, but Stephon Marbury was only allowed to cast one ballot.

Brett Favre’s sudden retirement has Green Bay Packers fans racing to memorabilia stores, eager to buy autographed items like footballs, pictures and helmets. Let’s hope for their sake that John Madden doesn’t beat them to it.

The Red Sox have offered Jonathan Papelbon a new 1-year, $775,0000 deal. Boston wanted all along to give the closer a nice raise, but not so nice that it would prompt him to remove his pants and dance in front of them.

Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour has apologized for killing a protected hawk. Only in the world of golf could nailing a birdie or an eagle illicit cheers, while nailing a hawk can prompt talk of a lifetime ban.

Terrell Suggs has filed a grievance against the Baltimore Ravens over whether he should be classified as a defensive end or a linebacker. In related news, Bears QB Rex Grossman has filed a similar grievance against Chicago over whether he should be classified as a liability or a lost cause.

The new six-team All American Football League has decided to postpone its 2008 season unless it finds additional financial backing. That’s bad news for fans in Little Rock, Knoxville and Birmingham, who will now have to amuse themselves with their second favorite pastime of dating their kin.

Miami Heat coach Pat Riley may miss several games with the team to scout NCAA draft prospects. I’m sure it will be nice for him to watch some quality basketball for a change.

A new report suggests that the New England Patriots broke league rules by videotaping opponents' signals between 2000 and 2002. If charged, the team is expected to plead insanity since several of the tapes were of the NY Jets.

QB Aaron Rodgers has reached out to Green Bay Packers fans by insisting he’s not Brett Favre. Luckily for Rodgers, that should become abundantly clear as soon as the season begins.

John Daly was spotted hanging out the Philadelphia Phillies before a recent spring training game. It’s uncertain if Daly was there to watch the action or if he’s looking for a sport that requires even less physical exertion than golf.