Monday, March 31, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Miami Heat have been tabbed to play several preseason games in Europe next October as part of NBA Europe Live 2008. The showcase is intended to show foreign fans that absolutely anyone can play basketball.

NFL owners are considering a proposal to ban players from having hair obscure the names on their jerseys. Luckily for offensive linemen, the potential policy does not include back hair.

Denver center Nene had to shake off the cobwebs in his first game back after undergoing surgery to remove a malignant testicular tumor. The 6’11 Brazilian attributed his rustiness to not handling enough balls during his layoff.

The Dallas Cowboys are continuing to pursue Titans cornerback Pacman Jones. Their latest offer is believed to include a seventh round draft pick, a player to be named later, a medley of fruit and thousands of tiny power pellets.

Rain, lightning and thunder forced the suspension of third-round play at the Zurich Classic. The foul weather proved for the first time this year that Tiger Woods isn’t the only force of nature that can take over a golf tournament.

Former NBA player Isaiah Rider must appear in court next month after being arrested for driving a stolen car. If he isn’t more careful he could start giving guys named Isaiah a bad name.

This just in: UNC center Tyler Hansbrough may have finally blinked. We’ll keep you posted as more details become available.

The Miami Heat scored only 17 baskets in an 88-62 loss to the Celtics. On the positive side, the WNBA has expressed interest in adding them as an expansion franchise.

Australian Olympic swimmer Nick D'Arcy was charged Monday with assault following a nightclub altercation in Sydney. Apparently swimming isn’t the only thing he does like a fish.

Chinese President Hu Jintao presided over the re-lighting of the Olympic torch Monday in Beijing. And here’s the really good news: not a single Tibetan was set on fire during the incident.

Commissioner Bud Selig has confirmed that Major League Baseball is hard at work on a more reliable HGH test. The new test will completely do away with science and simply flag any player who resembles his own bobblehead.