Monday, June 16, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Jessica Simpson is launching her own range of sexy lingerie. The announcement means that Tony Romo will no longer be the only one able to get into Simpson’s panties.

The New Jersey Nets plan to give away more than $250,000 worth of free gas, or as most people call it, a full tank.

The New York Yankees are seeking another $350 million in public financing to help finish their new stadium. Things are getting so desperate the team might have to set up a Derek Jeter Kissing Booth.

Good news and bad news for Marshawn Lynch. The good news is the Bills runningback finally had Lasik surgery to correct his vision. The bad news is he can now see just how bad the Bills actually are.

Milton Bradley tried to physically assault Ryan Lefebvre after the Royals broadcaster made disparaging remarks about him during a TV broadcast. When are journalists going to learn? If you’re going to criticize Bradley you have to do it in print.

Minnesota Timberwolves guard Marko Jaric is now engaged to supermodel Adriana Lima. The announcement comes as a surprise to many observers since Jaric is such a horrible penetrator.

Scientists at the University of Miami are studying whether Viagra can make men better cyclists. So far the only thing they’ve been able to confirm is that after popping a couple of tablets a bicycle is the last thing most men want to ride.

18-year-old Joey Longano became the youngest winner in Nationwide Series history by cruising to victory in the Meijer 300. Unfortunately his celebration was short-lived when his father grounded him for borrowing the car without permission.

Brad Penny extended his winless streak to eight starts in the Dodgers' 12-7 loss to the Detroit Tigers. The value of a Penny hasn’t been this low since the turn of the century.

A person associated with the Cowboys was electrocuted over the weekend when they touched a high voltage line at the team’s new stadium. And here’s the really bad news: it wasn’t Jessica Simpson.

White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and Cubs manager Lou Piniella are teaming up for a series of television commercials for the Chicago Chevy Dealers Association. Censors are standing by.