In The Spotlight

An NBA All-Star and Olympic gold medalist, Deron Williams has guided the Jazz deep into the playoffs in each of the last four seasons. “A point guard is judged by wins and losses,” he says. “I think I’m doing a good job.” This 6’3” West Virginian currently leads Utah in scoring, assists and minutes, and is second in steals. Learn more about Williams by clicking here.

In The Spotlight

Are you ready for some football? I'm delighted to announce that my celebrity profile of Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is now online. Learn more about the third-most proficient passer in NFL history by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Joe, Port Orange, FL
Subj: America's Team
Why were the Cowboys given the title of “America’s Team” the first place? When I think of America's Team, I think of the Pittsburgh Steelers. They have the best following of any team in sports. Steelers bars can be found in just about any major city. Therefore I think the Steelers should be referred to as “America's Team”.

Superb question, Joe! The term was coined by sportswriter Bob Ryan in 1979, although he didn’t have the Cowboys in mind when he created it. "After the '78 season, the Cowboys had just lost a crushing Super Bowl to the Steelers,” he recalls. “I wanted to come up with a different twist on a story I was doing. So, I asked the Rooney family if I could name the Pittsburgh Steelers, ‘America's Team’. But, I was surprised when the Rooney family said no. The next year I asked the Cowboys franchise and they said yes." Other media personalities soon adopted the colorful phrase and within a matter of weeks football fans from coast to coast were referring to Dallas as America’s Team. Surprisingly, Steelers owner Dan Rooney still has no regrets about declining the honorific title. 'We didn't want that,” he says. “We're a Pittsburgh team. We feel strongly about that."

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Kate Hudson has been spotted on dates with Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez and PGA golfer Adam Scott during the past week. It’s nice to see that someone is picking up Alyssa Milano’s slack.

The Lions have reached out to Dolphins assistant coach Todd Bowles regarding their coaching vacancy. The news comes as a surprise to many insiders who thought the team would already be onto the “C” section of the phonebook by now.

Knicks center Eddy Curry has been accused of trying to solicit gay sex from his driver. It’s a surprising accusation for a player who’s never shown much interest in sticking to his man.

Ricky Henderson has been elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. In related news, more than a dozen of the museum’s artifacts have already been stolen.

Dallas Cowboys linebacker Anthony Spencer was arrested for making a disturbance outside a downtown Indianapolis nightclub. On the positive side, it sounds like Pacman Jones has found himself a brand new wingman.

The Detroit Tigers have signed Taiwanese pitcher Fu-Te Ni to a multimillion dollar contract. It’s believed to be the most money ever spent on a product made in Taiwan.

China has announced plans for a National Fitness Day on August 8th. The government will commemorate the day by encouraging workers to engage in a strenuous physical activity during their two minute lunch breaks… whether they want to or not.

The Yankees have announced they will wear a special patch on their uniforms commemorating the inaugural season at their new stadium. The black and white design will feature a dollar sign being flushed down a toilet.

Pirates chairman Bob Nutting recently told reporters that an MLB salary cap would make Pittsburgh more competitive. It’s certainly a more feasible plan than his previous idea of giving polio to the league’s other 29 teams.

The Los Angeles Dodgers have released Andruw Jones. However, the team intends to still pay tribute to the rotund slugger by using his jersey to cover the infield during rain delays.

Question of the Week

Allan, Las Cruces, NM
Subj: Faster than a speeding bullet
In your opinion, who is the fastest football player of all time?

My vote goes to “Bullet” Bob Hayes, a man so fast he could turn off the lights and be in bed before it got dark. Prior to becoming a legend on the gridiron, Hayes was also an outstanding sprinter who established world records in the 60, 100 and 220 yard dashes during his tenure at Florida A&M. That blazing speed landed him an invitation to join the U.S. team at the 1964 Olympic Games where he collected two gold medals in what many still consider to be the greatest exhibition of pure speed in the history of international competition. Not surprisingly, Hayes’ super human ability to accelerate caught the attention of the Dallas Cowboys and the team drafted him with the 88th pick in the seventh round of the 1964 draft. It proved to be a savvy selection and Hayes went on to play ten seasons with the team, during which time he was named to three Pro Bowls and he became the first man in history to win both an Olympic gold medal and a Super Bowl ring. Sadly, he died in 2002 at the age of 59 after succumbing to liver and kidney problems, as well as prostate cancer.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Barack Obama intends to build a basketball court inside the White House. It will mark the first time someone has played with their balls in the building since Bill Clinton lived there.

Detroit could be in danger of losing the Lions. Luckily the team’s fans already know a thing or two about coping with loss.

A new medical report has revealed that rookie forward Danilo Gallinari has a bloated bulging disc in his back. It’s certainly not the first time the words “bloated” and “bulging” have been used to describe a New York Knick.

49ers star Frank Gore has been diagnosed with a mild neck tinge. The runningback has blamed the injury on his habit of abruptly looking away every time Mike Singletary drops his pants.

Michael Vick has said he hopes to return to the NFL as early as next season. In fact, the troubled QB assured reporters he’s working like a dog just to get ready.

The New York Yankees intend to “blow away” C.C. Sabathia with a huge contract offer. It’s a refreshing tactic for a team that in recent years has simply blown.

Former Ohio State offensive linemen T.J. Downing was recently arrested for pot possession. In his defense, he thought they were just buckeyes.

The Seattle Mariners have come up with a list of seven candidates to be their next GM. The team plans to go with who ever selects the shortest straw.

The Denver Broncos have signed free agent runningback Tatum Bell. Bell is expected to join the team as soon as he can find his luggage… or, failing that, someone else’s.

The Cavaliers plan to make a run at Vince Carter. Given the way his skills have deteriorated they may not have to run very fast.

A teenage girl is suing her school after she was forced to play football in gym class. It could have been worse; she could have been forced to watch the Bengals.

Reds pitcher Edinson Volquez finished fourth in the Rookie of the Year voting even though he’s not technically a rookie. In related news, Tigers outfielder Gary Sheffield finished tenth in the Humanitarian of the Year voting even though he’s not technically a human.

Jerry Jones says he “absolutely” believes Dallas will make the playoffs. Unfortunately for football fans he was referring to the Mavericks.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Qualifying and practice at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway were cancelled for the day due to rainfall. On the positive side, the heavy precipitation gave thousands of rednecks their first shower in nearly a month.

Heisman winner Tim Tebow is currently spending time in an impoverished village in the Philippines helping to circumcise impoverished children. The missionary trip should pay major dividends next season when Tebow finds himself surrounded by dickheads.

HBO has picked the Cowboys for its next season of the training-camp series Hard Knocks. The network had considered documenting the Cincinnati Bengals before deciding viewers would simply think they were watching re-runs of Oz.

A new video clip has surfaced of Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis telling Michigan to “go to Hell.” Based on his performance last season we have no doubt that Weis can give them precise directions there.

Former Knicks enforcer Charles Oakley is planning to launch his very own cooking show. The one hour program will feature 55 minutes of meat tenderizing and five minutes of actual cooking.

Mike Tyson is set to star in a brand new videogame being produced by EA Sports. The game is reportedly so realistic that players will need five separate joysticks just to control him.

Dwyane Wade's Sports Grill in Boca Raton has closed after just two months. The restaurant had difficulty attracting patrons after it was revealed many of the dishes were cooked using the grease from Pat Riley’s hair.

Former 49ers quarterback Joe Montana is suing his first wife, Kim Moses, and a Texas auction house for selling love letters and memorabilia from his time at the University of Notre Dame. It’s the biggest disgrace in Notre Dame history since, well, last season.

A 78-year-old legally blind man from northwest Iowa has bowled a perfect game. It’s hard to say which is the bigger disability: being blind or being from Iowa.

KFC and the NBA have announced a new promotional partnership that will include activities in 22 countries and territories. Strangely enough, Grease is not one of them.

The Florida Marlins have agreed to a six year, $70 million contract extension with shortstop Hanley Ramirez. The deal is expected to leave the franchise with $21.50 to spend on their remaining 24 players.

Question of the Week

Andy, Rice Lake, WS
Subj: Irvin in the Hall Of Fame???
Why is it that Big Mac couldn't get into the Baseball HOF when he didn't break any rules about anything, but Michael Irvin got in the Football HOF when he was suspended for cocaine? Sounds like someone's getting screwed.

Last I checked, Andy, cocaine wasn’t a performance enhancing drug. According to the Partnership for a Drug Free America, the short-term effects of Bolivian Marching Powder include constricted peripheral blood vessels, dilated pupils, increased temperature, blood pressure, insomnia, loss of appetite, irritability, anxiety and an overwhelming desire to knock over 7-11’s. Granted, Michael Irvin wasn’t exactly a model citizen, but unlike Mark McGwire, his drug of choice didn’t give him an unfair competitive advantage. If anything, it just made him talk a little bit faster during his post game interviews.