Thursday, February 19, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Commissioner Bud Selig recently told reporters that he is not to blame for baseball’s raging steroid problem. It’s nice to know there’s still a buck to be passed in these financially strapped times.

Rumors continue to swirl that Jessica Simpson is expecting Tony Romo’s baby. Given her size, we wouldn’t be surprised if she was expecting his octuplets.

Alex Rodriguez has allegedly told his friends that he’s over Madonna… and under her… and behind her… and inside her…

Houston pitcher Mike Hampton has been sent home with an irregular heartbeat. The timing is unusual since the Astros’ hearts usually don’t give out on them until the playoffs.

David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. That’s easy for him to say since the only foreign substance coursing through his veins is gravy.

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed has been charged with criminal mischief for beating up a towel dispenser at a gas station. Sadly, that’s the only recourse most kickers have when they’re told to pick on someone their own size.

The Washington Nationals have learned their top prospect lied about his age. The Nats first suspected the shortstop was older than he claimed after noticing how his dentures would fall to the ground whenever he threw to first.

Ken Griffey Jr. is returning to the Mariners after a nine year absence. Fortunately he didn’t miss much.

Major League Baseball reportedly wants more from Alex Rodriguez than he gave the media. Now they know exactly how Yankee fans feel every October.

Charles Barkley has apologized for his DUI a day before returning to TNT. The one minute apology was supposed to be much longer but Barkley was already running late for a booty call.

Police officers in Southern California have recovered Lance Armstrong’s stolen bike. Armstrong is elated since he can now resume his paper route.

The Milwaukee Bucks mascot has suffered a torn ACL in his right knee. The team plans to do the honorable thing by putting him out of his misery. Sadly, Bucks fans will have to wait until the end of the season to be put out of theirs.