Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at Manny Ramirez, Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain, Kobe Bryant, Barack Obama, Oscar De la Hoya, Brett Favre, Carl Crawford, the MLB Network and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The United States Postal Service has decided to give Dodger Stadium it’s very own zip code. Ditto for Prince Fielder.

One NFL source insists Brett Favre can't peacefully retire until he finds a way to get revenge on the Packers. Given his performance last season he should consider playing for them.

HBO has announced it will follow the Cincinnati Bengals for its upcoming season of Hard Knocks. The program is the third primetime show to feature the franchise following Cops and America’s Most Wanted.

A cat recently ran onto Wrigley Field in the middle of a Cubs game. Luckily it’s Chicago, so fans are used to seeing a bunch of pussies on the field.

A new book is suggesting A-Rod used steroids in high school. The claim is nearly impossible to verify since nearly every 17-year-old kid has back acne and a small sack.

The NBA is closely monitoring the swine flue since, as everyone knows, most of their players are pigs.

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella has apologized for embarrassing the organization by throwing a water bottle at a fan. We’re not sure what’s harder to believe: the fact a professional coach would stoop so low or that the NHL still has fans.

The New York Knicks will play Maccabi Tel Aviv in an exhibition game in October. You know things are rough when you have to travel 5,000 miles just to find a team you can beat.

The Milwaukee Brewers have suspended pitcher Pedro Lambertus for testing positive for drugs. You’d think a team named after an alcoholic beverage would be a lot more understanding about this kind of thing.

The Dallas Cowboys’ practice bubble collapsed following a major windstorm. The timing of the incident is surprising since the team’s bubble usually doesn’t burst until the playoffs.

European hoops star Zelijko Obradovic has decided to pass on the NBA. Broadcasters everywhere are grateful.

Nuggets vice president of basketball operations Mark Warkentien has been named the NBA's executive of the year. For those of you keeping score at home, credit Allen Iverson with the assist.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

President Barack Obama recently played a round of golf for the first time since taking office. It's nice to know that John McCain isn't the only white thing he's capable of knocking around.

Flip Saunders has received a four-year, $18 million contract with the Washington Wizards. $2 million is for coaching the team and $16 million is for dealing with Gilbert Arenas.

Commissioner Roger Goodell says Michael Vick has to show genuine regret in order to return to the NFL. In other words, he simply has to act like a Detroit Lions season ticket holder.

Majestic Athletic company has apologized for supplying Washington with jerseys reading "Natinals." On the positive side, the team can easily rectify the problem by borrowing a couple of o’s from their win column.

Phil Jackson has spliced clips of the movie Miracle at St. Anna into Lakers video sessions as part of his attempt to add a certain theme to every playoff series. Evidentially the theme of this year’s playoffs is horrible movies.

Former Jacksonville Jaguars star Jimmy Smith was arrested with crack cocaine and marijuana in his car. The 40-year-old vet played wide receiver for 10 seasons in the NFL, but is now expected to be just another tight end in prison.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. has said he doesn’t believe in Twitter or MySpace. That’s understandable since many of his fans also don’t believe in the Big Bang or evolution.

Thousands of grasshoppers recently descended on Chase Field, home of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Sadly, it’s one of the first times all season the stadium has actually looked full.

A 12-year-old girl from New Jersey recently threw a perfect game against a group of boys. Then again, it was the Nationals.

The Jacksonville Jaguars have introduced new team uniforms, because if you're going to lose 12 games you might as well look good doing it.

Alex Rodriguez has said he expects to see action next week. No word yet on whether it will be on a baseball diamond.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at the NBA playoffs, Alex Ovechkin, Greg Paulus, John Madden, Chris Bosch, Alex Rodriguez, Josh Beckett, Oscar de la Hoya and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Plaxico Burress, Chuck Norris, Kobe Bryant, President Obama, and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Terrell Owens, Alex Rodriguez, Barry Bonds, NASCAR, the World Baseball Classic and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Golf Channel attracted more than 800,000 viewers for its premiere episode of The Hanley Project starring Charles Barkley. An out of shape hooker hasn’t attracted that much attention since Heidi Fleiss.

The Cincinnati Reds have invited Barack Obama to throw out the ceremonial first pitch in a game against the White Sox. And if he can hit 50 mph on the radar gun he’s also been invited to join their pitching staff.

The Knicks recently gave statistician Al Marchfeld a gold watch to commemorate his 60th year with the team. After six decades of having to watch the Knicks they should have given him a purple heart.

The Oakland A’s have come to terms with Nomar Garciaparra. The free agent shortstop is expected to sign a contract as soon as he adjusts his gloves, fiddles with his hat and taps his cup 27 times.

Bengals linebacker Dhani Jones has signed on to host a new travel show entitled Dhani Tackles the Globe. We’re impressed: most of his teammates aren’t even allowed to leave the U.S.

LeBron James was recently caught on camera farting on the Cavaliers bench. It’s just one of many reasons Mike Brown keeps him on the court for 40 minutes a game.

Jim Edmonds spent the weekend judging a stripping contest at a restaurant in St. Louis. It sounds like pop flies aren’t the only thing he’s shagging this spring.

Darryl Strawberry has admitted he would have used steroids if they were available during his prime. That is, assuming he could have snorted them.

The Yankees new stadium includes a field-level seat that costs $26,000. Sadly, that’s just how much a 6 square foot patch of real estate costs these days in New York.

Alex Rodriguez will have to undergo a second surgery in November to fully repair his injured hip. We hope for A-Rod’s sake that his doctor performs better in the fall than he does.

Topps is on the verge of introducing a new 3-D technology to their sports cards. Baseball fans will now be able to watch their favorite players scratch their nuts with more life-like clarity than ever before.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Tom Brady and Gisele, Derek Jeter, David Beckham, Tommy Lasorda, A-Rod, Mickey Rourke, Michael Phelps, Stephon Marbury and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Adrianna Lima has hinted she may be pregnant with the child of former Clippers guard Marko Jaric. You know, he always was a good penetrator.

Stephon Marbury has finally joined the Boston Celtics. In related news, the Celtics now have cancer.

The New York Yankees have announced that rotund hurler Joba Chamberlain will start the first game at their new stadium. That is, assuming he can fit into it.

Alex Rodriguez is reportedly preparing for a hostile reception in his spring opener. And that’s just from Derek Jeter.

New York Mets infielder Fernando Tatis was pulled from the line-up after waking up at 3:00 am with a sore right palm. It sounds like that wasn’t the only thing being pulled.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen were reportedly married in a Los Angeles Roman Catholic church. Given their respective dating histories it’s astonishing the holy water didn’t boil over as they walked by.

The City of Los Angeles is allegedly shopping for an NFL team. Something tells us that team is not the Detroit Lions.

Derek Jeter is reportedly dating a 22-year-old college student. At the rate he’s going he’ll be married to an embryo by the time he’s done his career.

73-year-old NCAA basketball player Ken Mink has been declared ineligible after he failed Spanish. In his defense, Spain didn’t even exist when he was born.

Nationals general manager Jim Bowden has resigned after being accused of skimming signing bonuses given to Latin American prospects. Luckily it’s Washington though, so he’s still one of the cleanest guys in town.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Shea Stadium, Lance Armstrong, Charles Barkley, Jason Giambi, Craig Sager and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The San Antonio Spurs beat the Wizards to wrap up a 19-day road trip. Many of the players have been away from home for so long they can’t even remember what their illegitimate children look like.

Brewers slugger Ryan Bruan has launched his very own clothing line. In related news, Prince Fielder has launched his very own line of tarps.

Jason Giambi says he’s impressed with the candor of his former teammate Alex Rodriguez. We’re impressed that Giambi even knows what candor means.

A surgeon has admitted that Amar’e Stoudemire’s damaged eye may still need some more work. Luckily, it’s nothing compared to the work his defense still needs.

ESPN plans to use 26 cameras for its broadcast of the Bassmaster Classic. For those of you keeping track, that’s one camera for every viewer at home.

Charlie Weis has announced he will once again handle Notre Dame’s offensive-coordinator duties. That makes sense since his play-calling has been incredibly offensive over the past three years.

Longtime Jazz owner Larry H. Miller has died at the age of 64. Given the fact he lives in Utah we’re guessing the cause of death was boredom.

Doctors have advised Northeastern tight end Brian Mandeville to retire. It’s hard to say what concerns them more: the fact that his heart ailment could result in instantaneous death, or the fact that he could get drafted by the Lions.

Alex Rodriguez has hired the same lawyer who represented Sammy Sosa before congress. It could be worse: he could have hired the same dialect coach.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told reporters that drugs have no place in sports. Luckily for him, they still have a prominent place in politics.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Commissioner Bud Selig recently told reporters that he is not to blame for baseball’s raging steroid problem. It’s nice to know there’s still a buck to be passed in these financially strapped times.

Rumors continue to swirl that Jessica Simpson is expecting Tony Romo’s baby. Given her size, we wouldn’t be surprised if she was expecting his octuplets.

Alex Rodriguez has allegedly told his friends that he’s over Madonna… and under her… and behind her… and inside her…

Houston pitcher Mike Hampton has been sent home with an irregular heartbeat. The timing is unusual since the Astros’ hearts usually don’t give out on them until the playoffs.

David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. That’s easy for him to say since the only foreign substance coursing through his veins is gravy.

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed has been charged with criminal mischief for beating up a towel dispenser at a gas station. Sadly, that’s the only recourse most kickers have when they’re told to pick on someone their own size.

The Washington Nationals have learned their top prospect lied about his age. The Nats first suspected the shortstop was older than he claimed after noticing how his dentures would fall to the ground whenever he threw to first.

Ken Griffey Jr. is returning to the Mariners after a nine year absence. Fortunately he didn’t miss much.

Major League Baseball reportedly wants more from Alex Rodriguez than he gave the media. Now they know exactly how Yankee fans feel every October.

Charles Barkley has apologized for his DUI a day before returning to TNT. The one minute apology was supposed to be much longer but Barkley was already running late for a booty call.

Police officers in Southern California have recovered Lance Armstrong’s stolen bike. Armstrong is elated since he can now resume his paper route.

The Milwaukee Bucks mascot has suffered a torn ACL in his right knee. The team plans to do the honorable thing by putting him out of his misery. Sadly, Bucks fans will have to wait until the end of the season to be put out of theirs.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, Joba Chamberlain, Kurt Warner, Mike Tyson, Roberto Alomar, Daryl Strawberry, NASCAR, and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Michael Phelps, Alex Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant, Kurt Warner, Tony Romo, Joe Torre, Roger Clemens, Adam Morrison and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Trailblazers are reportedly looking at rotund center Eddy Curry… all the way from Portland. Curry’s removal could allow New York to sign two players while simultaneously freeing up four spots on the bench.

Minnesota Twins owner Carl Pohlad has died at the age of 93. Team officials are still trying to see if they can stick the remains of Boof Bonser and Juan Rincon into his coffin before it’s interred.

Carmelo Anthony recently hurt his hand in a win over Indiana. The injury is especially disconcerting for the All-Star forward since it’s his rolling hand.

Former American Gladiators star, Nitro, has admitted to using steroids while he was on the show in the early 90’s. The news comes as a shock to millions of viewers who thought it was perfectly normal to have man-boobs the size of engorged watermelons.

Andy Pettitte has rejected the Yankees' one-year, $10 million offer. After all, he didn’t want to be paid less than the team’s bat boy.

Shaquille O'Neal has just re-listed his Miami Beach estate for $25 million - $10 million less than its original asking price. A Shaq product hasn’t fetched this little interest since Kazaam.

Alex Rodriquez was recently spotted getting close with 60-year-old fashion designer Donna Karan. At the rate he’s going his next girlfriend might be a pile of dust.

Jessica Simpson has been included in this year’s Dallas Cowboys Family Cookbook. After all, who wouldn’t want culinary advice from someone who can’t tell the difference between tuna and chicken?

Rays outfielder Rocco Baldelli got some good news recently after doctors re-diagnosed his mitochondrial disorder as the less severe channelopathy. Baldelli is hopeful that with enough time he’ll eventually have a disease he can actually spell.

The Dallas Cowboys have released troubled cornerback Pacman Jones. You know you’ve had a bad year when the INT in your stat column refers to interrogations.

Warren Sapp recently challenged Michael Phelps to a televised swimming duel. The race got off to a promising start before Sapp was suddenly harpooned after his first five strokes.

The Cavaliers are now 18-0 at home after defeating the Bobcats, proving once and for all that visiting teams hate Cleveland nearly as much as the rest of the country.

WNBA star Candace Parker is expecting her first child this spring, making her the first professional basketball player in history to actually have a planned pregnancy.

David Beckham is currently charging $700,000 per interview. Or, in other words, $350,000 for every interesting thing he has to say.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Alex Rodriguez plans to attend the Victoria's Secret Fashion show next Saturday night. It should be refreshing for him not to be the biggest boob in the room.

Babe Ruth’s final road uniform is currently on the auction block. Something tells us the Bambino would be delighted to know that people are still trying to get into his pants.

The Knicks beat the Bobcats 101-98 to ruin Larry Brown’s return to Madison Square Garden. The only way the night could have been more satisfying for New Yorkers is if Isiah Thomas and Stephon Marbury spontaneously combusted at half court.

Bud Selig has told his colleagues that he does not want Mark Cuban to buy the Chicago Cubs. Apparently the only Cubans he wants in baseball are the ones that come to America on top of a floating doorframe.

The New England Patriots have fired one of their cheerleaders after a series of racy photos popped up on her Facebook page. On the positive side she now has 21 million new Facebook friends.

Jose Canseco has pleaded guilty to trying to bring a fertility drug across the border from Mexico. The real crime is the fact that they let him back into America at all.

Magic Johnson reportedly cried all night long after Barack Obama beat John McCain to become the country's first African-American president. Mind you, he also had the same reaction after watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.

The father of suspended Ohio State receiver Ray Small says the school is intentionally trying to ruin his son’s career. If that were true they would have traded him to Notre Dame.

Point guard Earl Watson reportedly wants out of Oklahoma City. Then again, so does half the town’s population.

Boston College has unveiled a life-sized statue of Doug Flutie. The sculpture will also serve as a height chart to determine if fans are tall enough to get into the stadium.

The Houston Astros have signed Taiwanese pitcher Chia-Jen Lo. Hopefully he holds up better than most products made in Taiwan.

Manu Ginobili could be rejoining the San Antonio Spurs sooner than expected. No word yet on who will take his place as Balki in the touring Broadway production of Perfect Strangers.

Willie Randolph has been named bench coach of the Brewers. The Mets are planning to call and congratulate him at 3:00 am tomorrow morning.

The San Antonio Spurs are 0-3 for the first time since 1973. Ironically, that was also the rookie year of many of their current starters.

Simply The Best

I recently had the honor of contributing a handful of athlete profiles for AskMen.com's third annual compendium of The Top 49 Most Influential Men in the World. Click here to learn more about international superstars like Rafael Nadal, Usain Bolt, Brett Favre, Alex Rodriguez and LeBron James.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Six Nuggets including Nene, Kenyon Martin, Carmelo Anthony, J.R. Smith, Anthony Carter and Chris Andersen have lost a combined 76 pounds since the beginning of the summer. In related news, rotund coach George Karl appears to have found all of them.

The Philadelphia Phillies have decided to start veteran pitcher Jamie Moyer in game one of the World Series. The 45-year-old hurler will be on a very strict pitch count since he likes to be in bed by 9:00 pm.

Jose Canseco has been charged with a misdemeanor offense of trying to bring a reproductive drug across the border from Mexico. Apparently it’s only his imagination that’s fertile.

Joey Chestnut ate 45 slices of pizza in 10 minutes to win the world’s first Pizza Eating Championship in Manhattan. New Yorkers haven’t seen a mouth that big since Stephon Marbury.

Former NBA guard Kevin Johnson has called upon Charles Barkley to help him become the next mayor of Sacramento. It’s a wise move. Anyone that fat should get at least five votes.

A New York model has revealed that Alex Rodriguez has a huge foot fetish. It’s hardly surprising considering he’s spent most of his career with his own foot in his mouth.

The man who caught the final home run hit at Yankee Stadium by Jose Molina has decided to sell it at an auction. It may be the only time in history where a ball is more valuable than the player who hit it.

John Madden will miss calling an NFL game this weekend after working 476 in a row. Madden will be temporarily replaced by Cris Collinsworth, who has promised to ease the transition for fans by spending 72 hours on a bus and eating three times his own weight in food.

The Charlotte Bobcats are attempting to trade Adam Morrison. The team is believed to be looking for a big man but they’d be happy to settle for anyone who doesn’t look like a roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd.

A small electrical fire damaged the Citgo sign over Fenway's Green Monster in left field. You know you’re having a rough post season when the only thing that gets hot is your signs.

Madonna has announced that she’s divorcing Guy Ritchie to be with Alex Rodriguez. It’s nice to hear that at least one Yankee is still active in the post season.

Roger Clemens says he lacks the desire to play again because he’s enjoying his free time. It’s amazing how much you can get done when no one wants your autograph.

Former Yankee infielder Tom Tresh has died at the age of 71. His passing is particularly devastating since he would have been a huge upgrade over Robinson Cano.

A new report suggests that 1,055 athletes were injured at the Beijing Games. The unusually high number includes 300 Chinese athletes who had their legs broken for failing to win gold.

Question of the Week

Dave, Bristol, CT
Subj: Dialing long distance
Which player holds the record for the most career grand slams?

That honor belongs to Lou Gehrig, who hit 23 grand salamis during his prestigious career. Although his record was once considered unbreakable, it’s highly probable it will be surpassed sometime in the next five years by either Manny Ramirez, who currently has 20, or Alex Rodriguez, who is stuck at 15. Incidentally, 12 players have hit two grand slams in the same game, including former Red Sox third baseman Bill Mueller, who is also the only player in Major League history to have hit his grand slams from opposite sides of the plate.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

Penny Hardaway received some good news and some bad news this week. The bad news is he was cut by the Miami Heat. The good news is the team is still interested in signing Little Penny to solidify their point guard position.

Jets coach Eric Mangini has admitted that his team videotaped the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium last season. Here’s the creepy part: the taping was done exclusively in the shower stalls.

Senate majority leader George J. Mitchell has released his 409-page report on illegal drug use in baseball. The report is so big you practically have to be on steroids just to lift it.

13 Ohio State underclassmen have filled out the paperwork to gauge where they might go in the NFL draft. For most of the players it was the first time they had used a pen and paper since entering college.

A new high school opening in 2009 in Tampa, Florida, will be named the George Steinbrenner High School. Steinbrenner himself has already hired and fired Billy Martin four times for the position of school principal.

The 2012 U.S. Olympic track and field trials will be held in Eugene. A somewhat frazzled Eugene could not be reached for comment.

Alex Rodriguez has revealed that he and agent Scott Boras are not speaking to each other. The only surprising part about his revelation is that it didn’t interrupt a major sporting event.

The NHL has asserted that widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs is not an issue among hockey players. Of course it isn’t. You have to make decent money before you can afford steroids.