Thursday, May 14, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The odds of Ryan Zimmerman extending his streak to 56 games are 0.09 percent. Sadly, that’s still 0.06 percent higher than Washington’s winning percentage.

Mike Tyson has admitted to wanting to kill Brad Pitt back in the early 1990s because he was dating Tyson's ex Robin Givens. Come on, we’re talking about Robin Givens here; after two weeks Brad Pitt probably wanted to kill himself.

NASCAR star Jimmie Johnson has admitted he doesn’t know how to use Twitter. Then again, he also didn’t know “Jimmy” is supposed to be spelled with a “y” until last week.

Los Angeles Sparks star Candace Parker has given birth to a baby girl. In related news, the WNBA’s fan base has just doubled.

Brett Favre has reportedly been sending x-rays to the Minnesota Vikings. It seems like an unnecessary gesture since everyone can already see right through him.

Jose Canseco has agreed to fight a Gambino in a three-round boxing match on June 27. It could be the first time in boxing history where both competitors are declared losers.

USC basketball coach Tim Floyd reportedly paid $1,000 to sign O.J. Mayo. We’re not sure what’s more disconcerting: Floyd’s illegal recruiting tactics or Mayo’s abysmal sense of self worth.

Celtics forward Glen Davis has apologized for bumping a 12-year-old boy while celebrating his game-winning shot against the Magic. The kid is just lucky he didn’t eat him.

Charles Barkley believes that Jason Kidd should retire. That’s quite a coincidence since EVERYONE thinks that Charles Barkley should retire.

A streaker who disrupted a New York Mets game by jumping onto Citi Field naked except for a stuffed monkey tied around his waist has been charged with trespassing. No word yet on whether officials will also charge the monkey with being an accessory.