Monday, May 25, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Ricky Rubio is reportedly not interested in competing in Memphis. Luckily for him, nobody really does.

Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf has been indicted by a grand jury on drug and burglary charges. If he’s not careful he might just get signed by the Bengals.

The struggling Florida Marlins are reportedly open to making substantive changes. They might want to start by changing sports.

NBA sources have indicated that the Los Angeles Clippers are entertaining offers for the No. 1 pick. It’s believed to represent the first time in history the words “Clippers” and “entertaining” have ever been used in the same sentence.

Kobe Bryant reportedly took an IV and went straight to bed following game 3 against the Nuggets. Mind you, it’s Colorado, so we’re not entirely sure it was HIS bed.

The Lingerie Football League is scheduled to begin its first season in September. We’re sure it will still provide stimulus for plenty of packages around America.

The Washington Nationals accidentally sprayed fans with mangled meat chunks when they tried firing sausages wrapped in t-shirts from a small cannon. Other than that it’s been a dream season.

Marcus Camby has said he wants to remain a Clipper for life. In related news, Marcus Camby is scheduled to undergo a thorough cat scan at 3:30 this afternoon.

Volleyball superstar Kerri Walsh recently gave birth to an 8-pound, 10-ounce baby boy. Luckily, the child was whisked away immediately before she could spike his balls.

Andrew Bynum is reportedly furious that he isn’t getting more playing time. It’s nice to hear he isn’t hung up on trivial matters like, you know, actually winning.

Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey was recently treated in Las Vegas for dehydration. Evidentially whiskey doesn’t have quite as much water in it as you’d think.