Monday, December 7, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Don Nelson is still recovering. Not from pneumonia, but from watching the Warriors.

David Stern believes women will soon play in the NBA. In related news, David Stern will evidentially say anything to get laid.

The New York Yankees are close to establishing a free agent budget. The only question that remains is whether it will be higher than the GDP of Latvia or the GDP or Liechtenstein.

Giants defensive end Justin Tuck has called Cowboys left tackle Flozell Adams a "dirtbag." Even Adams had to agree the name is a major upgrade over Flozell.

Larry Brown is reportedly pushing for another trade. And this time he’s trying to trade himself.

A woman has taken out a 100 foot restraining order against Baltimore Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs. Quarterbacks around the NFL are expected to follow suit shortly.

New Jersey has set an NBA record by losing their first 18 games of the season. Things have gotten so bad the World Wildlife Fund has now added Nets fans to its list of endangered species.

The Mets are close to a deal with free-agent catcher Henry Blanco. All he needs to do now is fail his physical.

Cleveland running back Jamal Lewis has been put on injured reserve with post-concussion symptoms. Officials first suspected his brain had been damaged when he placed a sizeable bet on the Browns.

Nate McMillan is scheduled to undergo surgery to repair a ruptured right Achilles tendon. The Blazers coach allegedly injured himself after removing his foot from Andre Miller’s ass.