You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Seattle bullpen coach John Wetteland has been hospitalized with a mental issue. Friends first suspected he was unstable when he accepted a job with the Mariners.

Stephen Jackson says he’s shocked the media has labeled him as a bad guy. We’re shocked the media finally got a story right.

The New Orleans Hornets have fired head coach Byron Scott. The move has shocked many insiders since Scott was also the team’s third best player.

Javon Walker reportedly wants out of Oakland. Then again, so do half of the city’s residents.

A diehard NASCAR fan has created a shrine to the sport using 46,693 Coors and Budweiser bottle caps. It’s amazing what you can do with a single afternoon of drinking.

Michael Vick says he’s happy to be with the Eagles. Then again, Michael Vick is just happy he no longer has to worry about getting shived every time he has a shower.

Browns coach Eric Mangini has refuted claims that he overworks his team. Based on Cleveland’s record, we’re inclined to believe him.

Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis appears to be on the chopping block. We had no idea they made chopping blocks that big.

Kobe Bryant is reportedly nursing a sore right groin. Something tells us the Lakers won’t be sending him to Colorado for rehab.

Eddy Curry has reportedly lost another 10 pounds. If he loses 10 more Knicks officials can finally start measuring his weight on a bathroom scale rather than the Richter scale.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The University at Buffalo’s top basketball player has been suspended indefinitely by the school for posting an ad on the Internet offering to pay someone to write a course paper. Come on, he’s an athlete; shouldn’t people be writing his papers for free?

Notre Dame is considering shedding its independent status and joining the Big Ten. It would be a huge move for the school given that the only organization they looked fit to join last year was Pop Warner.

Alex Rodriguez is going on the 15-day disabled list with a strained right quadriceps. If you think that sounds bad you should hear his new nickname: A-Quad. The injury has been classified as a Grade 2 strain, which automatically makes his quad better educated than half of his teammates.

Scranton Penguins captain Neal Smith was caught running naked through town. The veteran player has since been charged with public drunkenness, disorderly conduct, open lewdness and high sticking.

Nearly 500 men age 40 and older lined up for a free prostate cancer screening Tuesday at a mobile clinic at Milwaukee’s Miller Park. It just goes to show you that being a Brewers fan can be a major pain in the butt.

Barack Obama scrimmaged with the University of North Carolina basketball team earlier this week. Players had no problem guarding the Democratic senator since he always went to his left.

President George Bush honored the New York Giants recently during a ceremony at the White House. By all accounts it was a joyous gathering of 50 guys who wear helmets and one who probably should.

Barry Zito has been demoted to the bullpen by the San Francisco Giants. The team knew he was in trouble when his ERA started getting larger than Barry Bonds’ hat size.

Byron Scott has been named the NBA’s coach of the year, or as Mike D’Antoni and Avery Johnson call it, The Most Likely to Be Canned in Two Seasons Award.

A seven-foot-tall bronze statue of Oscar De La Hoya will join similar tributes to Los Angeles sports stars Magic Johnson and Wayne Gretzky at Staples Center. De La Hoya’s statue will be especially easy to identify since it will be the only one dressed in women’s lingerie.