Monday, February 18, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Chicago pitcher Ryan Dempster has predicted the Cubs will win the World Series. Upon hearing his statement Major League Baseball immediately made him pee into a cup.

LeBron James has signed a sponsorship agreement with State Farm insurance. It’s an appropriate choice for a guy who gets hit every time he drives.

Isiah Thomas is reportedly trying to deal injured point guard Stephon Marbury. Sadly, the only person foolish enough to trade for him is in fact Isiah Thomas.

Three gamblers were ejected from the stands of a women's tennis event in Antwerp because they were wagering on their laptops. What a shame. Someone finally found a way of making tennis interesting and they got tossed out for doing it.

Veteran punter Jeff Feagles has signed a two-year contract with the New York Giants. The length of the contract is unusual for a man who’s so old that his social security number is 1.

A new report suggests that Barry Bonds may have lied to Federal prosecutors. In related news authorities are now also beginning to suspect that there is no Tooth Fairy and that most mall Santas are actually just fat guys in red suits.

Beijing will close 153 gas stations and oil depots during this summer's Olympics to meet concerns over air pollution. The move is so drastic that if visitors want to get gas they’ll have to do it the old fashioned way by eating beans.

The Houston Rockets plan to unveil a monument honoring former star Hakeem Olajuwon on April 11. The statue is expected to be twice as mobile as Shaquille O’Neal.