Monday, April 14, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Yankees employees have unearthed a tattered and torn Red Sox jersey that was buried beneath the new stadium’s concrete. The shirt had so many holes in it that observers first mistook it for the Yankees pitching staff.

Browns wide receiver Joe Jurevicius has become the sixth Browns player in four years to suffer a major staph infection. At least the Browns are finally leading the NFL in something.

Yankees reliever Joba Chamberlain has left the team to be with his ailing father in Nebraska. Perhaps his father would feel better if he didn’t insist on watching the Yankees.

Greg Maddux posted his 349th career victory in a 1-0 win over the Dodgers. It’s an impressive feat for a man whose fastball is so slow it takes three innings just to get to home plate.

It appears as though Larry Krystkowiak’s days in Milwaukee could be numbered. Luckily the Bucks coach can always sell a few vowels if times get tough.

Federal authorities are investigating a former Cowboys offensive lineman for allegedly distributing steroids. Officials hope to wrap up the case shortly so they can return to their regular job of keeping an eye on the Cincinnati Bengals.

Former first baseman Bill Buckner received a warm reception from Boston fans this week during a visit to Fenway Park. It’s easy to cheer a guy when the only things going between his legs are a bucket of popcorn and a beer.

China has uncovered a plot by members of a Muslim minority group to sabotage the Beijing Summer Olympics. It remains to be seen how they could do a better job undermining the Olympics than China has already done.

Brett Favre has suggested he may return to the Green Bay Packers if quarterback Aaron Rodgers goes down with an injury. In related news, John Madden was spotted in Rodgers’ house placing hundreds of tiny marbles at the top of his staircase.

Minnesota Vikings great Carl Eller has been charged with assault on a police officer, impaired driving and making terroristic threats. Or as the Bengals call it, a trifecta!

Milwaukee Bucks forward Desmond Mason has gone on record claiming his team needs to work on their chemistry. Based on the way Milwaukee have been shooting they may also want to work on their physics.

A new batch of emails suggests the Seattle SuperSonics may have been talking to Oklahoma City as early as 2007 about possible relocation plans. The news comes as a shock to many observers who didn’t realize Oklahoma City even had electricity.