Monday, April 21, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Houston Astros shortstop Miguel Tejada has told the team he's actually 33, two years older than he's listed in the club's media guide. The admission saves the team the trouble of having to cut him open and count his rings.

The Milwaukee Bucks have sacked head coach Larry Krystkowiak. Apparently just firing him wasn’t enough.

Pope Benedict XVI held a mass for 46,000 worshippers at the new Nationals Park in Washington D.C. The Pontiff proved to be such a huge drawing card that Washington has offered him a contract to play leftfield for the remainder of the season.

Tiger Woods underwent arthroscopic surgery on his left knee two days after finishing second in the Masters. It’s a good thing he didn’t finish third or he may have something really drastic to his body.

The Oakland Athletics’ expected move to Fremont will likely be delayed until 2012. In the meantime, players have been encouraged to continue putting “no radio on board” signs on their cars when parking around the stadium.

An Olympic athlete charged with assaulting a man in a nightclub has been kicked off the Australian swimming team. On the positive side, he still has an excellent shot of making the Australian boxing team.

Kentucky Derby goers will be able to buy special $1,000 mint juleps at this year’s event. The price is particularly steep when you consider they’ll also be able to purchase glue containing that year’s losers for just $3.99 a bottle.

Kenny Chesney recently took batting practice with the Baltimore Orioles. The country music star looked entirely out of place since, unlike the Orioles, he’s actually had a few big hits.

Tour de France legend Lance Armstrong threw out the first pitch at Saturday’s Red Sox-Rangers game. It was an emotional moment for the former cyclist since it’s the first time in years he’s had two balls.

The third period of a Minnesota Wild-Colorado Avalanche playoff game on Versus was cut off for a Victoria Principal makeup infomercial. And here’s the sad part, the ratings actually went up.

Eli Manning’s wedding to his college sweetheart Abby McGrew reportedly cost $500,000. That’s a lot of money to spend for a guy who already had a ring.

New England Patriots wide receiver Randy Moss is writing his life story. The book, "Rollin' with Randy: The Real Randy Moss Story," is expected to take seven boxes of crayons to complete.