Thursday, January 22, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Detroit Pistons have lost five of their last six games. Apparently the city’s auto makers aren’t the only ones struggling to put together a good quarter.

Jeff Van Gundy has said he doesn't see himself back on the bench any time soon. After all, why go to the NBA when he already has a steady gig playing Uncle Fester at birthdays and bar mitzvahs.

The New Jersey Institute of Technology finally snapped a 51 game losing streak with a 61-51 victory over Bryant. Of course, the real surprise is that Bryant managed to score 51 points all on his own.

Shaquille O’Neal says he’s feeling better than ever because of his new regime of ballet-like exercises. Unfortunately the same can’t be said of the poor guy in charge of lifting him off the ground.

Knicks center Jerome James will miss the rest of the season with a ruptured right Achilles' tendon. James has blamed the injury on trying to eat more than he could lift.

The City of Detroit has approved a $27 million plan to preserve Tiger Stadium. It’s nice to hear that the Detroit Lions aren’t the only useless relics the city is willing to support.

NBA owners have reversed a longtime ban on serving hard liquor during live games. That’s certainly one way of making the Clippers more watchable.

Dennis Rodman has signed on to join a cast of midgets in a new basketball movie called The Minis. Oddly enough, it still sounds much more dignified than making another film with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Las Vegas bookies have picked the New York Yankees as the odds on favorites to win the 2009 World Series. Then again, these are the same bookies that also picked the Arizona Cardinals to finish the season playing in the Pac-10.

The New York Mets have signed outfielders Ryan Church and Angel Pagan to one-year contracts. Maybe now the team will actually have a prayer of getting into the post season.

The Pittsburgh Steelers have announced they’ll wear their white pants for Super Bowl XLIII. And because they’re in Florida, they also plan on hiking them all the way up to their nipples.