Thursday, January 29, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Lingerie Bowl has been cancelled due to a conflict over the amount of nudity allowed in the event. On the positive side, football fans can still look forward to seeing the Cardinals thoroughly undressed this Sunday.

Charlotte forward Gerald Wallace suffered a partially collapsed lung in a game against the Celtics. Luckily he plays for the Bobcats so he’s used to dealing with sudden collapses.

Former NBA player Corie Blount was recently busted with 11 pounds of marijuana. Or, as Ricky Williams calls it, a single serving.

Washington Capitals star Alex Ovechkin had to leave a game against the Bruins after being hit by Boston defenseman Zdeno Chara. Not since the days of Jesus Christ has someone made this much news simply for being nailed into a board.

NASCAR is planning on removing pit stops from its popular World Truck Series races. The change means that drivers will now have to wait until AFTER the race is over to resume making-out with their cousins.

The Dallas Cowboys might fine tight end Martellus Bennett for an offensive rap video he posted on YouTube. Of course, if bad rap were really a crime Vanilla Ice would have been sentenced to the electric chair years ago.

Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain recently told reporters that Fenway Park smells like “70-year-old Pine Sol.” Those are strong words for a man who smells like a beer and bratwurst fart himself.

Lakers forward Trevor Ariza remains "slightly impaired" from a concussion he sustained against the Bobcats. In other words, he’s now just like every other player in the NBA.

Bobby Bowden has signed a one-year contract to coach a 34th season at Florida State. Bowden has been at the school so long he remembers when football players actually had to write their own exams.

Aaron Heilman has been traded from Seattle to the Chicago Cubs, just seven weeks after the Mets shipped him to the Mariners. On the positive side, if Heilman gets traded once more this month he’ll officially have enough frequent flyers miles to visit the moon.

An 11-year-old bullfighter in Mexico set a new record by slaying six young bulls in one appearance. That’s nothing; NBA teams have been slaying 12 young Bulls every night for the last three seasons.

Former NFL star Michael Strahan has been chosen to host the fourth season of Spike TV’s “Pros vs. Joes.” The show is not to be confused with “Pros vs. Hoes” which is a documentary about the Minnesota Vikings’ 2005 boat cruise.