Monday, March 2, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Adrianna Lima has hinted she may be pregnant with the child of former Clippers guard Marko Jaric. You know, he always was a good penetrator.

Stephon Marbury has finally joined the Boston Celtics. In related news, the Celtics now have cancer.

The New York Yankees have announced that rotund hurler Joba Chamberlain will start the first game at their new stadium. That is, assuming he can fit into it.

Alex Rodriguez is reportedly preparing for a hostile reception in his spring opener. And that’s just from Derek Jeter.

New York Mets infielder Fernando Tatis was pulled from the line-up after waking up at 3:00 am with a sore right palm. It sounds like that wasn’t the only thing being pulled.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen were reportedly married in a Los Angeles Roman Catholic church. Given their respective dating histories it’s astonishing the holy water didn’t boil over as they walked by.

The City of Los Angeles is allegedly shopping for an NFL team. Something tells us that team is not the Detroit Lions.

Derek Jeter is reportedly dating a 22-year-old college student. At the rate he’s going he’ll be married to an embryo by the time he’s done his career.

73-year-old NCAA basketball player Ken Mink has been declared ineligible after he failed Spanish. In his defense, Spain didn’t even exist when he was born.

Nationals general manager Jim Bowden has resigned after being accused of skimming signing bonuses given to Latin American prospects. Luckily it’s Washington though, so he’s still one of the cleanest guys in town.