You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Chicago Cubs have filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. The last time they were active this late in the post season was 1908.

Delonte West plans to travel with the Cavaliers to Texas for their next two games. In fact, he’s already called shotgun.

Rush Limbaugh is no longer involved in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams. Limbaugh lost interest when he discovered he’d be referred to as a “minority” owner.

Erin Andrews is back doing interviews again. We liked her a lot more when she was obscene and not heard.

Los Angeles Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and his wife Jamie have separated. Now comes the hard part: deciding who gets custody of Manny Ramirez.

Free agent forward Josh Childress reportedly came close to signing with the Cavaliers. That was before he discovered they played all their home games in Cleveland.

A 1,000 lb. chainsaw carving of former Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas is missing one day after it was unveiled. It’s never a good sign when a statue has more mobility than half the players in your backfield.

Tim Tebow is still undergoing a battery of post-concussion evaluations including computer tests, reaction tests, eye-focusing tests, balancing tests and motion-sickness tests. Fortunately it’s the University of Florida, so he’s getting a credit for each one.

The NBA has fined Gilbert Arenas $25,000 for skipping a media session. It wasn’t long ago the league would have gladly paid HIM $25,000 just to shut up.

Brady Quinn has put his house up for sale. Unfortunately for him, Cleveland’s real estate market is almost as inactive as the Brown’s offense.

A Texas meatpacking company has come up with a new line of Vince Young Hot Links. The sausages look great in the package but ultimately wither up under intense heat.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Lindsay Lohan recently told reporters that she’s a huge fan of Formula One. In all fairness, Lindsay Lohan is a huge fan of anything with a cockpit.

David Wells has criticized the Yankees over their handling of Joba Chamberlain. And if there’s one thing Wells knows it’s how to handle a boozing, overweight pitcher.

A judge has allowed a man to be temporarily released from jail so he can see the Red Sox play the Royals. In the end, the judge felt watching Kansas City play nine innings was equivalent to at least two years in prison.

The Nationals have become the first team in the Major Leagues to lose 100 games. The accomplishment is especially impressive since they’ve only played 95.

The Timberwolves are trying to trade backup center Mark Blount. Anyone with a bag of basketballs or a jug of Gatorade is encouraged to inquire within.

Bobby Cox has agreed to a one-year contract for 2010. Apparently the Internet isn’t the only place where you can get a Cox extension.

Cowboys left tackle Flozell Adams has been fined $12,500 for kicking two New York Giants. In his defense, you’d probably have some anger issues too if your parents named you Flozell.

Russia’s wealthiest man has struck a deal to buy the New Jersey Nets. Apparently being the wealthiest man in Russia isn’t the same thing as being the smartest man in Russia.

Michael Vick recently admitted he thought he’d return as a starter. Those who understand karma thought he’s return as a dung beetle.

Delonte West is expected to join the Cavaliers after being arrested for carrying two concealed handguns and a shotgun. That’s just what the team needs, another shoot-first point guard.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Houston Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson has been fined $25,000 by the team for writing a message on his shoes. $1,000 was for the content of the message and $24,000 was for being too stupid to know about Twitter.

Desmond Mason has received a one-year deal with the Sacramento Kings… although we’re sure it will feel like five.

A 73-year-old waiter is suing the Yankees claiming he was replaced by a younger worker with a smaller salary. Come on, when have the Yankees ever tried to get younger?

Lamar Odom is planning on marrying Khloe Kardashian. Surely there has to be an easier way of getting a reality show than that.

Recovering alcoholic Theo Fleury scored the winning goal in his first NHL game in six years. It’s amazing how much easier hockey becomes when you see one net rather than three.

The Hooters Swimsuit Pageant took place this weekend in Ft. Lauderdale. We haven’t seen that many big boobs together since the last time the Mets took the field.

Cleveland guard Delonte West was arrested after officers pulled him over for speeding on a motorcycle while carrying two loaded handguns and a loaded shotgun. This probably isn’t what the Cavs had in mind when they asked him to improve his shooting in the off season.

Roger Clemens has taken to posting on Twitter to stay in touch with his fans. Both of them.

Chad Ochocinco leapt into the crowd at Lambeau Stadium after scoring a touchdown against the Packers. Morticians are hoping to piece together his remains shortly.

HBO plans to retool Joe Buck’s talk show. No word yet on which tool will replace him.

Backup QG Jeff Garcia is back in the NFL. And more importantly, so is his wife.

A Russian billionaire is interested in buying the New Jersey Nets. Apparently he’s also interested in becoming a Russian millionaire.

Speaking Of Sports...

This week’s quote comes from Seattle SuperSonics coach P.J. Carlesimo, who is still assessing the strengths and weaknesses of the team’s three point guards. Take it away P.J.!

"We have to find out who we're going to start, who we're going to use as a backup and who we're going to screw."

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Luke Ridnour might want to pick up some lube while he still has time.