You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Houston Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson has been fined $25,000 by the team for writing a message on his shoes. $1,000 was for the content of the message and $24,000 was for being too stupid to know about Twitter.

Desmond Mason has received a one-year deal with the Sacramento Kings… although we’re sure it will feel like five.

A 73-year-old waiter is suing the Yankees claiming he was replaced by a younger worker with a smaller salary. Come on, when have the Yankees ever tried to get younger?

Lamar Odom is planning on marrying Khloe Kardashian. Surely there has to be an easier way of getting a reality show than that.

Recovering alcoholic Theo Fleury scored the winning goal in his first NHL game in six years. It’s amazing how much easier hockey becomes when you see one net rather than three.

The Hooters Swimsuit Pageant took place this weekend in Ft. Lauderdale. We haven’t seen that many big boobs together since the last time the Mets took the field.

Cleveland guard Delonte West was arrested after officers pulled him over for speeding on a motorcycle while carrying two loaded handguns and a loaded shotgun. This probably isn’t what the Cavs had in mind when they asked him to improve his shooting in the off season.

Roger Clemens has taken to posting on Twitter to stay in touch with his fans. Both of them.

Chad Ochocinco leapt into the crowd at Lambeau Stadium after scoring a touchdown against the Packers. Morticians are hoping to piece together his remains shortly.

HBO plans to retool Joe Buck’s talk show. No word yet on which tool will replace him.

Backup QG Jeff Garcia is back in the NFL. And more importantly, so is his wife.

A Russian billionaire is interested in buying the New Jersey Nets. Apparently he’s also interested in becoming a Russian millionaire.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

John Daly recently posted his worst score ever in a regular PGA Tour event. In fact, his score was so high many observers mistook it for his blood alcohol level.

Arizona runningback Beanie wells has lost 22 pounds since April. His ability to lose big makes him a perfect fit for the Cardinals.

Heavy rainfalls postponed the Pocono Cup. On the positive side, many NASCAR fans were treated to their first shower in nearly a month.

Lamar Odom has signed a three year extension with the Los Angeles Lakers. Specifics weren't discussed, but Odom should have no problem maintaining his strict diet of Laffy Taffy and Peppermint Puffs for many years to come.

Former Cy Young Award winner Cliff Lee says he feels no pressure after joining the Phillies. In fact, after leaving Cleveland all he feels is relief.

Injured infielder Jose Reyes was recently spotted dancing all night at a Latino hotspot in Washington Heights. In his defense, he was just ecstatic not to be watching the Mets.

Detroit Tigers reliever Joel Zumaya is scheduled to have season-ending shoulder surgery in August. His season is ending so early it’s almost as if he plays for the Detroit Lions.

Insiders believe Ricky Rubio is still two years away from joining the NBA. And one million years away from joining the Minnesota Timberwolves.

Titans runningback LenDale White has dropped 30 pounds over six months simply by giving up tequila. John Daly once tried the same thing and all he lost was six months.

Jamaal Tinsley is looking for a one-year deal with either New York or Miami. Strippers in both towns are awaiting his decision with baited breath.

Nuggets guard J.R. Smith has been released from a New Jersey jail. It’s not what you think – he was just there to get more tattoos.

The NBA's Top Free Agents

2009 is shaping up to be a busy summer as a collection of the NBA’s top players become available through free agency. From perennial all-stars like Kobe Bryant and Carlos Boozer to valuable contributors like Lamar Odom and Andre Miller, this year’s free agent class is full of intriguing prospects. Read more about the top 10 players available on this summer’s open market by clicking here.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. In this week’s installment we take aim at the NBA Finals, Kobe Bryant, Jameer Nelson, Lamar Odom, TNT, Joba Chamberlain, Brett Favre, Stephon Marbury, John Smoltz and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

Actress Katie Holmes ran the New York City Marathon on Sunday in 5 hours, 29 minutes and 58 seconds. She likely could have posted a better time if Tom Cruise hadn’t forced her to hand out scientology pamphlets along the way.

Sammy Sosa wants to play in the Major Leagues next year, provided a team offers him a contract for at least $7 million. Apparently cork is more expensive than it looks.

Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna dressed up as a naked man for a teammate's Halloween party last week. It was an appropriate choice since he’s been exposing his shortcomings all season long.

The last ball from Boston's 2007 World Series victory has mysteriously gone missing. Sources close to Doug Mientkiewicz report that the veteran first baseman is already working on his alibi.

Boston knuckleballer Tim Wakefield expects to undergo an arthrogram on his right shoulder this week. On the positive side, Wakefield is probably the only pitcher in the league who could be confined to an iron lung and still make 35 starts.

Los Angeles forward Lamar Odom sustained a slight concussion in an automobile accident. The force of the crash was reportedly so severe that Odom is now convinced the Lakers have a shot at the championship.

NBA commissioner David Stern has said that the Knicks are "not a model of intelligent management." Isn’t that a little bit like saying “Michael Jackson is not a good babysitter”?

San Francisco 49ers kicker Joe Nedney has been fined $7,500 for giving the finger to a group of fans in New Orleans. You have to love a city where flashing your breasts will get you a handful of beads but flipping the bird will get you a massive fine.

A judge who sentenced Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid's sons to jail likened the coach's home to "a drug emporium." In related news, former runningback Ricky Williams has asked if he can come over for the weekend.

Lakers owner Jerry Buss has been suspended two games and fined $25,000 by the NBA for his drunk driving charge. In his defense, paying Vladimir Radmanovic $5 million a season would drive anyone to drink.

Spanish researchers say that beer is better than water for re-hydrating after a hard workout. That certainly explains how John Daly managed to win the 1991 PGA Championship.

Yankees manager Joe Girardi has revealed that he will wear No. 27. The number has special significance since it represents the number of players on his roster who will be making more money than he is.