You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

San Jose is interested in acquiring a professional basketball team. That rules out the Timberwolves.

Venezuelan authorities are scheduled to exhume the body of former major league pitcher Geremi Gonzalez. No word yet on when the Mets will make him a formal offer.

Michael Vick has agreed to star in an eight-part television series on BET. The show is part reality TV, part documentary and part America’s Most Wanted.

Stephon Marbury has rejected a one year, $1.3 million contract from the Boston Celtics feeling he deserves more. The only thing Marbury deserves is more scorn and more ridicule.

Al Jefferson reportedly wants to play for Team USA at the FIBA World Championship in August. Something tells us he probably isn’t the only Timberwolve who’s already looking beyond this season.

Jacques Rogge has been re-elected as president of the International Olympic Committee. Something tells us the vote probably wasn’t held in Chicago.

The Warriors defeated the Suns 104-101 in an outdoor exhibition game at the Indian Wells Tennis Garden. The score likely would have been much higher were it not for the fact the players kept on getting tangled up in the net at half court.

The Brewers are telling teams they have no intention of shopping Prince Fielder. That’s a shame, because they could make a fortune if they sold him by the pound.

LeBron James and Shaquille O’Neal say they both want the same thing this season. And that’s to avoid being shot by Delonte West.

The Warriors say they’re in no rush to trade disgruntled guard Stephen Jackson. That’s quite a coincidence since the rest of the league is in no rush to acquire him.

Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor says he doesn't regret wearing Michael Vick's name in his eye black. However, he does regret asking Michael Vick to look after his cocker spaniel for the weekend.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s sports shorts.

Penny Hardaway received some good news and some bad news this week. The bad news is he was cut by the Miami Heat. The good news is the team is still interested in signing Little Penny to solidify their point guard position.

Jets coach Eric Mangini has admitted that his team videotaped the New England Patriots at Gillette Stadium last season. Here’s the creepy part: the taping was done exclusively in the shower stalls.

Senate majority leader George J. Mitchell has released his 409-page report on illegal drug use in baseball. The report is so big you practically have to be on steroids just to lift it.

13 Ohio State underclassmen have filled out the paperwork to gauge where they might go in the NFL draft. For most of the players it was the first time they had used a pen and paper since entering college.

A new high school opening in 2009 in Tampa, Florida, will be named the George Steinbrenner High School. Steinbrenner himself has already hired and fired Billy Martin four times for the position of school principal.

The 2012 U.S. Olympic track and field trials will be held in Eugene. A somewhat frazzled Eugene could not be reached for comment.

Alex Rodriguez has revealed that he and agent Scott Boras are not speaking to each other. The only surprising part about his revelation is that it didn’t interrupt a major sporting event.

The NHL has asserted that widespread use of performance-enhancing drugs is not an issue among hockey players. Of course it isn’t. You have to make decent money before you can afford steroids.

You've Got To Be Joking

Take a load off your feet as you enjoy this week's sports shorts.

Former NHL All-Star Jeremy Roenick announced his retirement recently through a text message. The news came as shock to many observers who didn’t realize Roenick could actually write.

The health of New York owner George Steinbrenner is believed to be declining rapidly. Then again, you’d probably feel ill too if you had to watch the Yankees every day.

Amare Stoudemire's half brother has been identified in connection with the shooting death of a 27-year-old man in Scottsdale. It’s nice to see that high percentage shooting runs in the family.

Washington Nationals Pitcher Jesus Colome has been admitted to hospital with an infection to his right buttocks. I guess that’s what happens when you have your butt kicked all season.

Kobe Bryant apologized to Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak in person after making disparaging comments about the team. It was believed to be an excellent face-to-two-faced meeting.

Grant Hill has signed a two year contract with the Suns. The contract will cost Phoenix $3.8 million in salary and $10 million in physiotherapy expenses.

Olympic leaders have voted to create a Youth Olympics for athletes aged 14-18. The program was approved unanimously by pedophiles around the world.

Major League baseball has confirmed that at least one armed FBI agent will attend each one of Barry Bonds’ games until he breaks Hank Aaron’s homerun record. It’s believed to be the best protection Bonds has had in the order since the Giants got rid of Jeff Kent.

NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series driver Aaron Fike was arrested on charges of possession of heroin. It’s nice to see that NASCAR is finally trying to reach out to an urban audience.