Question of the Week

Lance, Flushing, NY
Subj: King of the hill
Hey Ryan, what’s America’s most recognizable sports brand? I say it’s the Yankees, but my friend says it’s the Celtics. Can you solve our argument once and for all?

I’m afraid you’re both wrong, Lance. According to a new consumer survey conducted by the good folks at Keleman Associates, the planet’s most recognizable sporting brand is ESPN, which was identified by 97% of Americans age 12 and older. Rounding out the list were the Olympics (89%), the NFL (85%), Gatorade (83%), Nike (82%) and the NHL, which was recognized only by a pair of toothless Canadian seal hunters.

Talking Points - Strahan Steps Down

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine Roger Clemens’ Viagra dependency, Michael Strahan’s retirement and Dontrelle Willis’ demoralizing demotion. Read all about it here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson were spotted having a ball a Dolce & Gabbana party in Cannes. Just one ball, mind you, but it was a ball nonetheless.

The NBA has confirmed that Michael Beasley is 6-8 and not 6-10 as he previously claimed. The Kansas State forward has blamed his loss of two inches on a recent circumcision.

A New England man has been found guilty of impersonating a Seattle SuperSonics front office executive. Authorities first became suspicious since not even the team’s real employees are willing to admit they work for the Sonics.

Actress Nikki Ziering has signed on to participate in Hulk Hogan's new reality show, Celebrity Championship Wrestling. It should be a natural fit for her since she’s used to spending long periods of time on her back with her legs in the air.

The IOC has suspended Iraq's national Olympic committee thereby leaving Iraqi athletes in danger of missing the Beijing Games. Ironically the committee was one of the few groups in the country that actually had an exit strategy for getting out of Iraq.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are expected to pay a local radio station $2,000 per broadcast next season. No word yet on how much the team will have to pay fans to actually listen.

North Carolina point guard Ty Lawson has been charged with driving under the influence. Authorities first suspected Lawson was drunk when they spotted a fat chick sitting in his back seat.

Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick and California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger are making a friendly wager on the outcome of the NBA finals. If the Celtics win, Schwarzenegger has promised to donate Californian food and beverages to a charity of Patrick's choice. And if the Lakers win Patrick must sit through all of Kindergarten Cop.

Shaquille O’Neal showed up to the Belmont Stakes dressed like a jockey. The Big Aristotle’s outfit was so realistic that it reportedly caused three horses to faint.

Barry Bonds has pleaded not guilty to 15 counts of lying to federal investigators about steroids. The plea would have been even more convincing if Bonds’ pants hadn’t caught on fire half way through.

Country singer Mindy McCready recently took part in the World Series of Poker. It’s the first time in weeks we’ve been able to say the words “McCready” and “poker” without mentioning Roger Clemens.

New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick was spotted canoodling with his girlfriend Linda Holliday at a romantic restaurant in Boston. We’re not sure what happened after that but something tells us Belichick probably has it on tape.

Randy Johnson has passed Roger Clemens on the career strikeout list by notching his 4,673rd K. It’s quite an accomplishment for a man who looks like he should be operating carnival rides in Oklahoma.

Question of the Week

Jonathan, El Paso, TX
Subj: Doing it by the book
Hey Ryan, I’m about to go on a two-week vacation with my wife’s family (faking my own death was out of the question). Can you recommend a good sports book so I don’t have to talk to my mother-in-law?

You bet, Jonathan. One of the finest books I’ve read in the past five years is The Great American Novel by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Philip Roth. The hilarious tome tells the story of the Port Ruppert Mundys, a hapless wartime baseball team that featured a one-armed outfielder, a one-legged catcher, a narcoleptic third baseman, a 14-year-old infielder and a flame-throwing pitcher famous for his “snot” ball. It’s satire at its best and Roth hits a grand slam with every page. The New Republic has called The Great American Novel “An awesome performance,” praising Roth for reinventing baseball literature as pure slapstick.

If you prefer something with a little more historical accuracy I’d recommend Loose Balls, a rollicking page-turner about the short, wild life of the ABA. Author Terry Pluto wisely lets the league’s stars tell the stories in their own words as they recount tales of two-foot high afros, disappearing franchises and bloody melees erupting on “Kid’s Day”. It’s been called “The best sports book of the year” by USA Today and it’s easily the funniest basketball book on the market. Good luck, and enjoy your vacation!

Talking Points - Deja Vu All Over Again

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine the heavily hyped NBA Finals, the beginning of a Motor City makeover and the remarkable rise of Rangers outfielder Josh Hamilton. Read all about it here.

Speculation on Sirius Satellite Radio

I recently had the pleasure of appearing on Speculation, a seriously hip call-in show hosted by fellow sports junkies Dave Golokhov and Matt Cauz. You can listen to my segment by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Alex Rodriguez reportedly told a ten-year-old boy to “beat it” when the young fan approached him for an autograph at a Baltimore Hooters. Oddly enough A-Rod also said the exact same thing to his chesty waitress minutes later.

Noted horseplayer Joe Torre has gone on recording stating that Big Brown will win at Belmont. If Torre is so good at picking winners why did he agree to manage the Dodgers?

The San Francisco 49ers have waived free agent Ezra Butler after police found a small amount of marijuana in his car. It’s one of the few times in law enforcement history that the Butler actually did it.

Tennessee Titans wide receiver Mike Williams has lost an impressive 30 pounds during the off season. Unfortunately for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Andruw Jones seems to have found it.

James Blake was ousted in the second round of the French Open by 19-year-old Latvian phenom Ernests Gulbis. An athlete hasn’t had this much trouble with a teenager since Roger Clemens.

Sammy Sosa says he may retire after next year's World Baseball Classic. It’s nice to hear he’s finally going to put a cork in it.

A blind wrestler has qualified for the Maryland high school state championships. Whether he finds his way there is another matter altogether.

Manny Ramirez hit his 500th homerun in a 6-3 victory against the Orioles. The Red Sox outfielder is now a lock to become the first man inducted into both the Baseball and Rastafarian Hall of Fames.

Randy Johnson has tied Roger Clemens for second place on the career strikeout list with his 4,672nd K. However, the Rocket still has a chance to regain the lead if he strikes out with the jury at his upcoming trial.

Members of the New York Giants have finally received their $25,000 Super Bowl rings from Tiffany and Co. The rings are so stunning that Kobe Bryant is considering buying three of them for future transgressions.

Experts in the field of concussion management claim the Mets have put Ryan Church at significant medical risk by having him play through dizziness, lethargy and headaches. The team has dismissed the charges since those are the exact same conditions that Willie Randolph manages under.