You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The United States Postal Service has decided to give Dodger Stadium it’s very own zip code. Ditto for Prince Fielder.

One NFL source insists Brett Favre can't peacefully retire until he finds a way to get revenge on the Packers. Given his performance last season he should consider playing for them.

HBO has announced it will follow the Cincinnati Bengals for its upcoming season of Hard Knocks. The program is the third primetime show to feature the franchise following Cops and America’s Most Wanted.

A cat recently ran onto Wrigley Field in the middle of a Cubs game. Luckily it’s Chicago, so fans are used to seeing a bunch of pussies on the field.

A new book is suggesting A-Rod used steroids in high school. The claim is nearly impossible to verify since nearly every 17-year-old kid has back acne and a small sack.

The NBA is closely monitoring the swine flue since, as everyone knows, most of their players are pigs.

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella has apologized for embarrassing the organization by throwing a water bottle at a fan. We’re not sure what’s harder to believe: the fact a professional coach would stoop so low or that the NHL still has fans.

The New York Knicks will play Maccabi Tel Aviv in an exhibition game in October. You know things are rough when you have to travel 5,000 miles just to find a team you can beat.

The Milwaukee Brewers have suspended pitcher Pedro Lambertus for testing positive for drugs. You’d think a team named after an alcoholic beverage would be a lot more understanding about this kind of thing.

The Dallas Cowboys’ practice bubble collapsed following a major windstorm. The timing of the incident is surprising since the team’s bubble usually doesn’t burst until the playoffs.

European hoops star Zelijko Obradovic has decided to pass on the NBA. Broadcasters everywhere are grateful.

Nuggets vice president of basketball operations Mark Warkentien has been named the NBA's executive of the year. For those of you keeping score at home, credit Allen Iverson with the assist.

Talking Points - Strahan Steps Down

Welcome back for another edition of Talking Points, a handy cheat sheet designed to help you hold your own in any water cooler discussion. In this week’s column, I’ll examine Roger Clemens’ Viagra dependency, Michael Strahan’s retirement and Dontrelle Willis’ demoralizing demotion. Read all about it here.

You've Got To Be Joking

The Atlanta Hawks won the NBA's first replay since 1983 by downing the Miami Heat in a game that lasted just 51.9 seconds. Sadly for true fans of the sport, Miami will return to playing 48 minute games later this week.

A recent poll has named the Heat's Pat Riley as the coach that players would least like to suit up for. Many observers assumed Isiah Thomas would win the honor, but Stephon Marbury was only allowed to cast one ballot.

Brett Favre’s sudden retirement has Green Bay Packers fans racing to memorabilia stores, eager to buy autographed items like footballs, pictures and helmets. Let’s hope for their sake that John Madden doesn’t beat them to it.

The Red Sox have offered Jonathan Papelbon a new 1-year, $775,0000 deal. Boston wanted all along to give the closer a nice raise, but not so nice that it would prompt him to remove his pants and dance in front of them.

Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour has apologized for killing a protected hawk. Only in the world of golf could nailing a birdie or an eagle illicit cheers, while nailing a hawk can prompt talk of a lifetime ban.

Terrell Suggs has filed a grievance against the Baltimore Ravens over whether he should be classified as a defensive end or a linebacker. In related news, Bears QB Rex Grossman has filed a similar grievance against Chicago over whether he should be classified as a liability or a lost cause.

The new six-team All American Football League has decided to postpone its 2008 season unless it finds additional financial backing. That’s bad news for fans in Little Rock, Knoxville and Birmingham, who will now have to amuse themselves with their second favorite pastime of dating their kin.

Miami Heat coach Pat Riley may miss several games with the team to scout NCAA draft prospects. I’m sure it will be nice for him to watch some quality basketball for a change.

A new report suggests that the New England Patriots broke league rules by videotaping opponents' signals between 2000 and 2002. If charged, the team is expected to plead insanity since several of the tapes were of the NY Jets.

QB Aaron Rodgers has reached out to Green Bay Packers fans by insisting he’s not Brett Favre. Luckily for Rodgers, that should become abundantly clear as soon as the season begins.

John Daly was spotted hanging out the Philadelphia Phillies before a recent spring training game. It’s uncertain if Daly was there to watch the action or if he’s looking for a sport that requires even less physical exertion than golf.