Question of the Week

John, Union, IA
Subj: That’s money, baby
Who has the distinction of signing the longest contract in NBA history?

That honors belongs to Magic Johnson who signed a 25 year, $25 million contract following the 1981 season. Although the salary was considered exorbitant at the time, it didn’t take long before lesser players were soon earning the same amount and Magic later restructured his deal to condense the final $21 million into seven years instead of 21.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, Shea Stadium, Lance Armstrong, Charles Barkley, Jason Giambi, Craig Sager and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The San Antonio Spurs beat the Wizards to wrap up a 19-day road trip. Many of the players have been away from home for so long they can’t even remember what their illegitimate children look like.

Brewers slugger Ryan Bruan has launched his very own clothing line. In related news, Prince Fielder has launched his very own line of tarps.

Jason Giambi says he’s impressed with the candor of his former teammate Alex Rodriguez. We’re impressed that Giambi even knows what candor means.

A surgeon has admitted that Amar’e Stoudemire’s damaged eye may still need some more work. Luckily, it’s nothing compared to the work his defense still needs.

ESPN plans to use 26 cameras for its broadcast of the Bassmaster Classic. For those of you keeping track, that’s one camera for every viewer at home.

Charlie Weis has announced he will once again handle Notre Dame’s offensive-coordinator duties. That makes sense since his play-calling has been incredibly offensive over the past three years.

Longtime Jazz owner Larry H. Miller has died at the age of 64. Given the fact he lives in Utah we’re guessing the cause of death was boredom.

Doctors have advised Northeastern tight end Brian Mandeville to retire. It’s hard to say what concerns them more: the fact that his heart ailment could result in instantaneous death, or the fact that he could get drafted by the Lions.

Alex Rodriguez has hired the same lawyer who represented Sammy Sosa before congress. It could be worse: he could have hired the same dialect coach.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently told reporters that drugs have no place in sports. Luckily for him, they still have a prominent place in politics.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Commissioner Bud Selig recently told reporters that he is not to blame for baseball’s raging steroid problem. It’s nice to know there’s still a buck to be passed in these financially strapped times.

Rumors continue to swirl that Jessica Simpson is expecting Tony Romo’s baby. Given her size, we wouldn’t be surprised if she was expecting his octuplets.

Alex Rodriguez has allegedly told his friends that he’s over Madonna… and under her… and behind her… and inside her…

Houston pitcher Mike Hampton has been sent home with an irregular heartbeat. The timing is unusual since the Astros’ hearts usually don’t give out on them until the playoffs.

David Ortiz says players who test positive for steroids should be suspended from baseball for the whole season. That’s easy for him to say since the only foreign substance coursing through his veins is gravy.

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed has been charged with criminal mischief for beating up a towel dispenser at a gas station. Sadly, that’s the only recourse most kickers have when they’re told to pick on someone their own size.

The Washington Nationals have learned their top prospect lied about his age. The Nats first suspected the shortstop was older than he claimed after noticing how his dentures would fall to the ground whenever he threw to first.

Ken Griffey Jr. is returning to the Mariners after a nine year absence. Fortunately he didn’t miss much.

Major League Baseball reportedly wants more from Alex Rodriguez than he gave the media. Now they know exactly how Yankee fans feel every October.

Charles Barkley has apologized for his DUI a day before returning to TNT. The one minute apology was supposed to be much longer but Barkley was already running late for a booty call.

Police officers in Southern California have recovered Lance Armstrong’s stolen bike. Armstrong is elated since he can now resume his paper route.

The Milwaukee Bucks mascot has suffered a torn ACL in his right knee. The team plans to do the honorable thing by putting him out of his misery. Sadly, Bucks fans will have to wait until the end of the season to be put out of theirs.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Michael Phelps, Joba Chamberlain, Kurt Warner, Mike Tyson, Roberto Alomar, Daryl Strawberry, NASCAR, and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The West throttled the East 146-119 at the NBA’s All-Star Game. Thankfully the only one harmed was the clown Craig Sager killed for his outfit.

Shaquille O’Neal and Kobe Bryant shared a single trophy after being named co-MVPs of the NBA All-Star Game. Suddenly peace in the Middle East doesn’t seem so far off.

Congress has no plan to hold a hearing with Alex Rodriguez. You know your popularity is plummeting when not even bureaucrats want to spend time with you.

In related news, the University of Miami is going ahead with plans to name their new baseball complex Alex Rodriguez Stadium. Apparently Arrogant Roid Monkey Field wouldn’t fit on the signage.

Members of a Marijuana advocacy group have written a strongly worded letter to Kellogg after the company cut ties with Michael Phelps. Kellogg doesn’t appear to be taking the letter seriously since it was written with Alphaghetti.

Elgin Baylor is suing the Los Angeles Clippers for employment discrimination. Let’s hope for their sake they’re a little better in a court than they are on one.

A man has been sentenced to jail after impersonating Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain. Authorities first suspected the man was a fraud after noticing he consumed only 10,000 calories per meal.

Daryl Strawberry has just written his first book. He would have finished sooner but he was stuck on Chapter 11 for the better part of a decade.

PETA activists showed up at Madison Square Garden this week dressed in KKK outfits to protest the breeding practices of The American Kennel Club. The venerable old building hasn’t seen a display that offensive since the Knick’s last home game.

Mike Tyson plans to publish a tell-all memoir. It promises to be the first book ever written entirely in monosyllables.

Former pitcher Dennis "Oil Can" Boyd is interested in returning to the Major Leagues. It’s an ambitious plan for a man who’s so old he took his driver’s test on a dinosaur.

San Diego Padres reliever Heath Bell has credited his Nintendo Wii Fit game for helping him lose 25 pounds. Wow, and we thought admitting to steroids was pathetic.

Question of the Week

Zach, Erie, PA
Subj: The long and short of it
Who is the shortest player in NFL history?

That distinction belongs to Jack “Soapy” Shapiro, a 5’0½” fullback who played one game with the Staten Island Stapletons in 1929. Prior to suiting up in the pros, Shapiro was a key player on the 1927 New York University football team, leading the Violets to a respectable 7-1-2 record and helping the team to outscore their opponents by an eye-popping margin of 345-65. Although Shapiro’s tenure in the NFL was limited, one little guy who did flourish was Buddy Young, a 5’4” runningback who averaged 3.8 yards a carry during an outstanding six year career. A former world record holder in the 60 yard dash, “The Bronze Bullet,” was so impressive in 1954 that he was even named to his first – and only – Pro Bowl. "He was like a toy football player," recalls former teammate Gino Marchetti. "But he could do it all. The most amazing thing about Buddy is he had no hip pads at that time, no thigh pads and played with a pair of shoulder pads you wouldn't let your son wear, and like so many players in that era, Young refused to wear a face mask." Young went onto become the Director of Player Relations for the NFL before dying in a tragic car crash in 1983.