Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Tommy Lasorda, Terrell Owens, Charles Barkley, Shaquille O’Neil, Lance Armstrong, Chipper Jones, Plaxico Burress and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Tigers pitcher Dontrelle Willis has been placed on the DL with an anxiety disorder. You’d be nervous too if your team’s key off-season acquisition was Adam Everett.

Kevin Durant has said he wants to be in Oklahoma for a long time. Then again, even a week feels like a long time in Oklahoma.

Plaxico Burress is allegedly frightened of spending the next three and a half years in jail. Then again, show me someone who isn’t scared of going to prison and I’ll show you someone whose sphincter sees more traffic than the Holland Tunnel.

Jerry West has rejected the Los Angeles Clippers’ request to help turn around their franchise. Instead, West plans to focus on a far less challenging project like turning Smurfs into gold.

Professional golfer Annika Sorenstam is reportedly pregnant with her first child. For those of you keeping score at home, credit her husband Mike McGee with a hole in one.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wants to expand the season to 18 games. His proposal has been received warmly by fans across America, including thousands of sadomasochists living in Detroit.

Former Kentucky Derby winner Alysheba was euthanized over the weekend. In related news, Wal-Mart will have glue on sale all week long.

NBA owners have approved a rule change whereby teams that have an extra player on the court will now receive a technical foul. The change could be devastating for the Sacramento Kings who have been playing with nine men at a time just to stay competitive.

The Detroit Tigers have upset some Roman Catholics who are unhappy that the club's home opener against the Rangers is scheduled during holy hours on Good Friday. We can hardly wait to see their reaction when Texas nails their pitching staff.

Joba Chamberlain’s fastball is nearly 10 miles per hour slower than it was last year. If it drops off anymore the Yankees are going to have to start timing it with a calendar.

Michael Vick has reportedly been working on a book while in prison. In fact, it should be completely colored in another week.

A minor league baseball club is selling a 1.7 pound hamburger that comes with lettuce, tomato, nacho cheese, chili, salsa and crunched tortilla chips. In related news, David Wells has just signed with the team.

Question of the Week

James, Bismarck, ND
Subj: Baseball face-off
Which batter/pitcher combination has faced each other the most times in MLB history?

That distinction belongs to Ty Cobb and Walter Johnson who faced each other 368 times over a highly entertaining 21 year span. It may surprise you to learn that Johnson got the best of Cobb during their first eight years in the Big Leagues, holding the Georgia Peach to a .222 average. However, that all changed on August 10, 1915 when The Big Train got severely rattled after hitting Detroit infielder Ossie Vitt in the melon. Cobb soon surmised that Johnson was fearful of hitting opposing batters and he began crowding the plate during his subsequent encounters with the Senators ace. “From 10 inches or so back of the plate I moved in until at last I was standing right against it, and even out over the plate with my bent knees and arms” Cobb later explained. “With the plate tucked under me, I was giving Johnson only a few inches of target. It was cheating, if you will, but also strategy. I was gambling that Johnson would be so afraid of hitting me that he’d work to the outside corner.” His instincts paid off and Cobb averaged .435 against Johnson from 1915-1926 to finish with a .370 lifetime average against the Hall of Fame hurler.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Alex Rodriguez, Plaxico Burress, Chuck Norris, Kobe Bryant, President Obama, and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Miguel Tejada will likely be placed on probation for lying to Congress in 2005. No word yet on what Congress will get for lying to America since 1776.

Lance Mackey has won the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race for the third consecutive year. The only thing better than winning the Iditarod is not being in Alaska in the first place.

Charles Barkley believes the NBA will soon face labor trouble. And if there’s one thing Charles Barkley knows about, it’s being in trouble.

Special Olympian Kolan McConiughey has made headlines by boasting he could beat Barack Obama at bowling. Why stop there? He could probably also beat George W. Bush in an IQ test.

Hulk Hogan is reportedly working on his first book. Reading it, not writing it.

Kimbo Slice has announced he plans to take up boxing, calling it his “first desire.” Oddly enough, our first desire is to see Kimbo Slice hit so hard that he has to fart through his mouth.

The Los Angeles Clippers are reportedly looking for a new general manager. Well, you have to start somewhere.

The Detroit Lions plan to retire the number 93 in memory of missing player Corey Smith. The Lions are still unsure how they will honor their missing defense, offense and special teams.

A Binghamton University fundraiser has accused two athletic department officials of offering her money for sex. Sadly, she wasn’t offended by the offer, she was offended by the amount.

Shaquille O'Neal recently tweeted at halftime in a game against the Wizards. The only thing more amusing than reading his updates is imagining how a man with hands the size of a small child can somehow type on a Blackberry.

A 62-year-old Florida woman named Unni Haskell recently recorded a hole-in-one on the first swing she ever took on a golf course. That commotion you hear is the sound of golfers everywhere throwing their clubs in the trash.

Arizona State guard James Harden is still undecided on the NBA. That’s quite a coincidence since the NBA is still undecided on James Harden.

Andruw Jones is expected to sign with the Texas Rangers as a backup, and given his girth, he should be able to backup seven positions at once.

Getting Animated

It’s time for another hilarious episode of Sports Talk Weekly, the show that trashes athletes and sports via animated shorts. This week’s installment takes aim at Terrell Owens, Alex Rodriguez, Barry Bonds, NASCAR, the World Baseball Classic and much, much more! Check it out by clicking here.

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

The Detroit Lions are reportedly on the lookout for a quarterback. In related news, Detroit fans are on the lookout for any kind of money back.

The Oregon Urology Institute is offering a March Madness-related vasectomy event over the next month, so even if your team doesn’t make the cut, you still can.

The Netherlands shocked the world by defeating the Dominican Republic at the WBC. Of course, the real shock is that they were able to play baseball at all in those little wooden shoes.

Ray Lewis has signed a seven-year extension with the Baltimore Ravens. The rest of the country is expected to sleep much more soundly knowing exactly where he is.

The NFL has decided to maintain their tradition of showing a Detroit Lions game on Thanksgiving. After all, you can’t enjoy Thanksgiving without a big turkey.

Pacman Jones reportedly got in a fight during an episode of Pros vs. Joes. Frankly, we’re just impressed that he wasn’t taping an episode of Pros vs. Hoes.

A judge has ruled that Michael Vick must pay his own way to his upcoming bankruptcy hearing. Ironically, he may have to take a Greyhound to get there.

Plaxico Burress recently picked up four traffic tickets in a single day for speeding, improper display of tags, improper lane change and improper window tinting. All things considered, we’d still rather have him behind the wheel than riding shotgun.

The NBA is considering rewriting its traveling rules. That sounds to us like four steps in the right direction.

British Gas has signed a $20.8 million sponsorship deal with the country’s Olympic swim team. We’re curious to see how things work out since oil and water seldom mix.

There’s growing concern that the Sacramento Kings could end up moving to Anaheim. Based on their roster, we’re guessing that concern is coming from Anaheim.

Former WWE wrestler Andrew Martin was recently found dead at his Tampa home after a neighbor reported he appeared motionless for several hours. Police initially dismissed the call since they receive several reports a day just like it regarding John Daly.

Martial arts legend Chuck Norris is considering running for President of Texas. If elected, Norris plans to save money by replacing the electric chair with a swift roundhouse kick.